Being Fat in Alt Fashion

First, let me just say I'm not good at writing; English isn't my first language, and I haven't taken my medications in awhileeee. 

I love dressing in alternative fashions; I love looking and styling myself in fun and cool ways, but gods above and below, it's hard to find clothes that fit me, and even when I do, its hard to find places I can wear them to where I won't have a huge chance of getting photographed and mocked or yelled at/judged. I know a lot of it is my own anxiety, but I wish I could be skinny just so that I would be able to feel safe and confident wearing my outfits wherever I wanted.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY NEXT POINT ! !! !!!

Why are skinny, pretty people allowed to be cringeworthy, weird, or strange, but when a fat or unconventionally looking person is anything outside of the norm (or, let's be honest, just exists), its bad, cringeworthy, and weird??!?!? That's so freaking annoying and upsetting. I'm not a person who can cry easily, or at least I can't cry for long, but this frustrates me so much that I just want to scream and cry a bit. I want to be allowed to be curious and weird and still be ugly and fat and like I am :(.

I actually quite like how I lookI'm not feeling awful or my weight doesn't get in the way ofsomething; I love my hair especially. But I know people around me find me weird or strange; I've been told before that people thought Ihated hated them because of how I looked at them or in class, like,No, I'm just autistic and haveRBF., It doesn't even matter if I'm constantly complimenting or trying to be part ofconversations; people just don't include me and don't want me there, and it hurts a lot. I know this isn't a unique experienceeither, which just makes me even more upset. I've been told by my friends I'm really goodcompany, and I just wish other people gave me a chancetoo, u know? Anyway, I think thats all I just needed somewhere to complain about this

TLDR: Fat and unconventional-looking people should be allowed to be cringeworthy or strange without getting isolated, bullied, or mocked, just like skinny, conventionally pretty people are allowed to be.

Gloomy OUT! ᕦʕ •ᴥ•ʔᕤ