Scheming Through The Zombie Apocalypse: The Beginning

Adult humor and zombies is a combo as old as time or at least since movies about the undead really started rolling out. We join our heroes Hank and Larry if we can call them that in their adventure to scam others into doing the dangerous parts of scavenging for loot in this apocalypse, they do this under the guise of guidance which oddly seems to work in ensuring not just their survival but others as well. Armed with a van dubbed the Mating Machine, a pair of binoculars, and some walkie-talkies they fumble their way through black eyes, cannibal jokes, questionable slurs, and drunk parrots all while doing their best to avoid the weirdos.

After burning through their supplies of drugs and food, while watching Austin Powers and probably a plethora of other movies they are forced to venture out and begin scavenging. Pretty much fumbled the entirety of the overall situation to the point they beat up a drunk, insulted some beefy bovines (excuse me), and acquired Larry's first black eye. Upon meeting the drunk bird we end up negotiating ourselves into a corner.

Our feathered friend had obviously taken advantage of our overall fears of the dark and found a key before us on the floor, managing to acquire around half of our loot for the trouble. Luckily we had hit him with a pipe a bit earlier so it felt more like compensation for our earnest mistake. As we began to question our deal and the pipe beating earlier began to fester, our inebriated friend had two of his aquaintances join in the discussions, which prompted a fairly harsh beating for Larry.

We got home and after a short discussion with Larry about his displeasure from being our first runner, we had the two strong gentlemen from earlier bursting in after following us, displaying our overall dismay over being robbed and continuing to slur at our assailants they proceeded to rob us, so in turn we stole their looting map. Quickly rushing out the door to the good old Mating Machine.

Along the way, we meet our first patsy who we poorly talked into a deal where they kept about 90% of the loot at our first resource spot while we played lookout. Despite negotiations coming out poor it still inspired a bit of confidence that perhaps we wouldn't get anyone killed in our ploy of pretending to have done this a multitude of times. He hopped into the van and we drove off to our first location on the map, doing our best to ignore the fact the most we have really earned so far is an ass-kicking for Larry.

Our first lookout gig seemed to have gone off with little to no fuss. We picked out what we wanted from the cut, said our goodbyes and hit the road to find our next runner, while discussing more rules of the trade toward selling our new craft like calling the zombies weirdos instead to deescalate someone's overall fear of them. Most people call it manipulation but in this case, we can call it the art of salesmanship in the apocalypse.

We continue on this path of needless gambling, trading and getting Larry into fights all while actually managing to do a good job of being lookouts for others. After acquiring that second matching shiner for our canine companion we can say that perhaps things were looking up. We had even caught rumors of a Scavenger Guild that was accepting earnest workers like ourselves and had decided to give it a shot.

Our downfall came when we came across our Wombat pal here, they were ecstatic to join us in our hunt for loot. Sadly we ended up coming across our feathered drunk friend from a bit earlier, after a swift hello with the back end of the pipe from the Wombat upon our request we found out he had been stuffed in a locker by no other than his two acquaintances for his own protection of course. Speaking of the devils the two showed up right then and quite quickly resorted to beating our Wombat friend. He made it out alive but lost all of the loot in the altercation, he requested to join us but he was clearly a far more capable person than us and would be fine in this harsh environment so we ditched him.

It took quite a bit of luck, work, and dealings with a cannibal in a wine cellar but we had made it to the guild. Luckily we had managed to duck out of a situation a bit earlier involving those weirdo's managing to acquire just enough to buy ourselves two days at the guild. When we met up with the bovine duo once again, they promptly attempted to block our entry into the guild only to come off like a pair of real bullies. We retired to our earned room and board, cracking some jokes as the power cut out leaving us in the darkness and the credits began to roll.

I appreciate you reading this and hope you enjoyed it! If you are interested in catching the entire playthrough of The Beginning it has been uploaded to YouTube with no commentary on the Extra Ports channel. I had a ton of fun with this game and am definitely looking forward to more.