rant

why is human connection so fucking hard for me I genuinely don't understand, I feel so much empathy but then not enough and then I just I cant I cant I  feel fucking shackled I hate trying to understand someone, I hate trying to help myself and other I hate trying to empathize when I can barely empathize with myself its os fucking hard I hate just trying to understand people why is it so complicated to have a friendship, its so complicated to just be and breathe its so complicated why is life so complicated I hate living so much I hate having friends I hate having family I hate emotional connection its so frustrating and difficult I just wish for once in my life I could justs it in silence with someone and just understand each other and we don't have to talk about anything or our shitty behaviour and we can just sit in each others prescense and accept it