2/4/2025 1st Diary Entry :3

Hi!! I kinda decided it would be cool if I made like a diary entry everyday just to post random thoughts and shit. If you happen to stumble by well hello :) make yourself at home to hear some miscellaneous rambles and insecurities! which oh boy I have a lotta those today.

2/6/2025

I kinda feel like totally insecure about my future. I never really planned to live to be 17 so being here now is really weird because now I have no clue what to do. I kinda changed career paths I wanted to pursue but I have like- no filmmaking knowledge and every college I look at has acceptance rates in the single digits!!! I doubt even if I were to start right now I couldn't make something in time that would be good enough to be accepted into a prestigious school. Sure people say that film school doesn't matter much in retrospect but I just feel like I gotta, y'know?

My dad also is encouraging me to stay in state because of cost and everything when really I feel at risk every day longer I spend in this state. I live in Texas and while I'm lucky to have an accepting family and everythingg.. everywhere else just feels dangerous and my ex told me to detransition bc I'm just putting myself in danger according to them ack!!!! I hate being transgender so much :(

on a happier but then immediately back onto a depressing note I feel like I finally have my 1st healthy relationship!!! I love him so muchand I keep looking at the relationship from different angles cause I'm scared of potentially being hurt or traumatized again but he's honestly just perfect for me and I really wanna spend the rest of my life with him but!!! I just feel a constant anxiety that he's gonna leave or get bored of me!!! man!!! he's just so important to me like I wish I could put into words how he makes me feel.

anyway I have part one of an algebra test tomorrow and I feel as if I may fail it but I'm gonna try my best :3!!! nothing to it but to do it!!! I hope anyone who stumbles upon this is having a great day, peace!!!

- kieran