Reflecting on my social life. A framble

Just a whole wish wash of surreal heart 2 hearts and a window into the experiences of a total stranger. Enjoy

I went from not hanging out with practically anyone to being 90% social life. It was really overwhelming at first and I really struggled to trust and adapt to my friends. Yet after about a few months, I had settled in well and was going partying every few weekends. I even recently managed to pull off my first proper house party for my late 18th! (Woo). But at the end of the day, not every hang out has to be drugs and booze. My favourites are the little times spent with certain people where we reflect and share ourselves. I've done it a million times, yet only a couple experiences stand out.

I really value connection in the bonds I establish. I quite dislike shallow friendships where we gossip and stop talking immediately after. I don't really consider those people my friends. As nice as they are, we don't fully connect like how I do with my close buds. Connection like that used to be so far and few inbetween that I immediately fell in love with the person who gave me the time of day. Countless times I've recklessly kissed someone just because they liked a weird question I said. I really regret that, those people weren't my people, especially with the people I know now.

Never sell yourself short. Never give yourself away. You are worthy of love no matter what.

I used to pray to know someone of the lovely people I know today and eventually I did. These things take time and they hurt. Alot.

I've animated it, wrote about it and sprawled it all over my book. Yet nothing captures the memory I have of being drunk at the harbour with my partner. We walked our friend home, we were both very drunk and babbling to each other as we walked in the dark. I got to this bit where all you could see was the shiere mass of the ocean. And it was pitch black, an absolute void staring back at me. And in a silly tone I ask him to stare into it with me. And it lasted only a second, but I think I realised how lucky I was in that moment. To experience this moment with another person. And then we continued walking like nothing happened. That's only one time I share with him. We are friends at heart, we both struggle with romance and quite frankly, I don't know if we'll stay partners. I hope we do, this is very nice. Our relationship fills me up and I hope we make it work, i just want him to be happy. But that's beside the point. The point is, the times I share with him always border on being really surreal and I really really value that. I can never quite capture the feeling ever. I wish I could. I'd give an arm to be able to show you what it feels like. 

On the off hand I do share it with friends. The memories stay with me for years. I still remember sitting outside this old dark building with a friend of mine and just venting and wailing our woes to each other, aimlessly looking up at the stars. It was so cold and so uncomfortable to sit down upon the concrete. Yet I didn't care. It was just nice being able to listen to the raw self of a friend I never looked too far into. Moments like that breath life into me more than anything on earth.