Date (gone wrong)

(context)I've been friends with this boy for about a year now, let's call him jeff. After months of healing from a toxic relationship and learning how to  deal with that trauma, I felt ready to date, I want a boyfriend, but I'm not desperate.

During the Christmas holidays he confessed his feelings to me and though I initially  turned him down because I wasn't ready yet. However in mid January I  felt ready so we planned a date. During the two weeks building up to the date he was so sweet over text and on the date he was a treat. On the date he asked me if I wanted long term or short term, I say long term because I want a serious relationship. At one point family was brought up, and I explained I don't really have any parental figure I can introduce him to because I don't have that sort of relationship in my life. At the time he said it was okay with it, I explained we'd have to be secretive around my uncle (who I live with) because I don't want him to tell my parents, he also told me he was okay with that. He asked me if Iwould ever tell my parents, and i responded "unlikely", but then explained that it's not hat I'm ashamed of him but repeated that I don't have that sort of relationship with my parents, at the time he acted like he understood.

When I got home we mutually agreed the date was nice and would like to go on another. Then shit hit the fan. He messaged me a huge paragraph on why my homelife is so concerning to him, which is valid because though I keep my home life and social life seperate, it's no secret that my home life is fucked up. Then he commented on how my uncle's an ex con, yeah he is, but that's not an issue? he was framed for a crime due to how corrupt the government is in my country  and he's like my brother. If I had anyone remotely close to a parental figure, it would be my uncle. 

I was really hurt by that paragraph because I get judged for my home life a lot, and my home life is not new information oh and... I KEEP MY SOCIAL LIFE AND MY HOME LIFE SEPERATE. Why the fuck would he bring it after we went on a date. I explained to him that it's none of his concern and he needed to relax, and then he started spamming me. I was so sick of it at that point, I straight up texted him that it was a lot of drama for the first date and I'm sorry that my homelife concerns him so much, if he was worrying that much, we should just stay friends. The way he worded his texts made me feel like it was my fault and the way he was talking to me was as if I was the product of a bad upbringing. Fuck sure, my childhood is fucked, but I'm a good kid. 

To my message he responded that he's not ready for my emotional bagage. I only unload that baggage on super close friends and my therapist, never on him. So that really made me feel like a burdain.

After that whole thing I debriefed with three of my friends (I'm going to give them fake names)

Talia: "wth why are you crying, he's so ugly. And what the fuck-? you're way out of his league"

Samantha: (in depth explanation on what happened and why my feelings are valid. Then had a stern talkig to him)

Dude: (it was helpful having a guy's perspective) explained that there were a lot of red flags brought up during the date, like the mentioning of pegging because I'm goth, the constant "flex" to his friends that he pulled the goth girl, asking if I'm emo (dude says that if he's dating a goth he should've at least done a little tiny bit of research). Then lastof all is that he objectified me quite a few times, like he rated my breasts an 8 out of 10. Dude's perspective is that Jeff didn't really like me, he was just desperate (that's one was to look at it, but I think Jeff was just awkward because he's never been on a date and doesn't know how to behave around women). Dude also said it's a red flag that he watches porn and I 100% agree, he mentioned that he needed porn to tickle his pickle, I don't know how it came up but I 100% agree with Dude on this one.

After Samantha had a good talk with him, he sent me a huge paragraph apologising, so I forgave him because he'd been my friend previously and it would suck if I lost a friendship. Nut I'm not going to actually forgive him for that in my heart, because that really hurt. 

It was really interesting to have Dude's perspective because he knows how guys think. 

Man I'm so tired. I just wanted a boyfriend, that's all I asked for what the fuck.