strange...

January was a strange month, wasn't it? Felt like the longest Monday ever. But now we're two days into February, and apparently we're having six more weeks of winter.

As if the previous six weeks weren't enough.

This year looked like it started off good for me, with a gig right out of the starting gate. And then nothing. If I was a drummer, bassist, or singer, I would get more gigs. Guitarists are a dime a dozen. But I'm at least worth more than a dime :)

I have been re-working my demos and while I think the initial raw takes are quite good, I'm still nowhere near ready to do anything past that stage. Still licking my wounds from the failure of my last cd as well as certain negative attitudes that consumed me. I should have listened to my dad when I was 14, when he said "Musicians are flaky!"

Score one for my dad.

But eventually, once this self-doubt and seasonal depression go away, I will have more clarity to plot my next move. I may just find a drummer, and do all the guitars and bass as I'd done on a couple of past cds. Unless Billy Sheehan wants to play bass...well, I can't afford him so you're all stuck with me.

One nagging thought that I had to get out of my head was "It's not metal enough!" I write metal but not the super-heavy hardcore stuff (which I like). Believe me, I tried writing that kind of music but it was never really in me. I will never force anything to come out. My music always had a groove and melodic aspect, two things most metal guys don't want. Well, to be fair, Pantera had awesome grooves and metal guys vibed to them. But melodies...almost too wimpy for most.

I never appealed to the teen angst crowd, nor the mid-life crisis ZZ Top-looking dudes. I write music. Period. If something sounds like Van Halen by way of Rush, fine. Or if it's Living Colour meets Pantera, awesome. No rules, no boundaries.

And no elitist bullshit.