How A Girl Changed My Life

Chapter One

„Spacehey”

April 4th, 2023 is an important date because that’s the day I’ve met the girl who changed my life. I think it was easter, but I don’t remember clearly one thing sure it was cloudy and raining. I was surfing on the net and literally typed in „What teenagers did back in early 2000s when they were bored?” I know I’m a lowkey dumb early 2000s kid because I should have knew what we did back in those days. Well, not much! Burning CDs, playing video games, listening to music, watching TV, playing board games, chess, going to the park, hangout with friends, taking selfies and so on but I didn’t have any social media back then though so that’s probably why I forgot about MySpace (thank god)…. there was a lot of life activity that they/we did back in the day and I already forgot the half of it. But thanks to google and to my mind I remembered to MySpace and all my life I was praying wish I could go back to sign up because back then I was too young. I was born in 2003 and MySpace was on top around somewhere there maybe 2004-ish I don’t know exactly but I know Facebook blew up pretty quick all around the world by 2005!! So I was listening to Avril Lavigne’s CDs that I bought earlier in 2023 and so I saw one photo of a MySpace profile. And immediately tried to search up old MySpace profile on the net and youtube as well. On youtube I didn’t find too much old videos of MySpace, especially that type of video I wanted to see. And I saw one video with this title „MySpace in 2020?” But an other logo was on cover picture/index picture it said „Spacehey” I don’t know if it counts as clickbait but I clicked on it. I didn’t know what Spacehey is I’ve never ever in my life heard about that site  before so it was pretty new to me. Originally the founder of Spacehey made the site back in 2020 when Covid-19 was a thing all around the world. But I only 3 years later signed up, as they say it’s never too late! So I’ve watched that long video on youtube and I immediately rushed to the site to sing up I thought in myself „Oh my god how cool is this site?!!”. So I signed up on April 4th, 2023. As I signed up I had no clue what I should do, how to use layouts and didn’t know at all that people are use HTML5 and CSS to their profile it was really weird like on which site do you have to know to code?! Especially in 2023?! It was weird and new for me, but honestly I really liked it because it’s unique and different from other sites in this modern world. So I watched further the video how that person does and where its paste it from… Obviously my Avril obsession crossed my way and I looked for Avril layouts first! I’ve found one that I thought well it would be cool, nice and pretty. It was a pink The Best Damn Thing theme layout and I just fell in love with it! As soon as I started using in I left a message to the publisher: „Using!! I love it thank you!” And after that I reviewed the comments and first of all I checked out how does it look like. And I saw a girl’s profile with avril’s photo and I was so naive I thought that, that’s her because on MySpace originally you were the profile picture not else, so it surprised me. I asked her if it’s her but no she wasn’t but later about that. So I saw her profile and I just fell in love with it and started using that layout. After the comment I went back to her profile and I thought „oh my god how cool is this person, she’s another avril fan?! she’s just as obsessed as me with avril?!” and I added her. Thankfully she didn’t decline it she accepted it! But Just later started to talk to her. On that day I remember I made 5 friends actually, if you ask me not bad I was so happy that I have 5 friend and I still don’t talk to them. From there I couldn’t wait to spend a lot of time on that site, I didn’t know what bulletin is, how often they post, what they post, who can see it and so on, I know I’m a lowkey dumb/nerdish but trust me it was far from me this whole site so I had to used to it. Later I found out that your friends can see your bulletins and comment on it so if you worried don’t worry, I found out everything by the time. I felt so lonley and I was watching a lot of early 2000s teen movies on that night just to go back in time and I don’t know if straight I wanted to watch sad teen movies where the main character struggles and no one interested in it but I felt that way and I still do, I felt and feel like those movies could about me if you know what I mean. I just name a few American Pie, Freaky Friday, New York Minute, Mean Girls, New Guy, The Girl Next Door, Cheaper by the dozen, The perfect man, 13 going on 30, She’s the man and so on…! I hated and still hate school I was senior high school it was my last year so we were close to the end there was one month or less left the April and I just couldn’t wait to finish this shit and just write the final exam and break free. In my high school years I’ve always dreamed about friends like this girl she’s super cool she’s into basically anything we had same interest, music taste even opinion on world and people. So that’s how it all started!!

Chapter Two

„Instant Message” 

Not so long later I added her and as she added back she saw that we use the same layout and she left a comment there! „OMG SAME LAYOUT SO COOLL!!!!” I just replied „Thx!” it didn’t seem too much like we would care about each other or we’re going to be really good, close, strong friends honestly I thought this whole thing will ends in a month because I will get tired of it and it’ll be boring, but no thank god I was wrong! After that everything’s just got better in my life I barley could be online on the site because I had so many things to do mainly to study my final exam which was hard! I just wanted to pass I didn’t want to be the best fuckin student in my class it was far enough if I just pass. I was getting ready to an art university I wanted to be Production Designer because I love arts and I will til rest of my life! At that thime I was atheist and I didn’t talk about this to anyone I loved to keep this to myself. I was working on this whole thing so hard, I started my last year in high school like I’m going to focus on this shit with all my energy and power but beside that I started again drumming, practicing. As I listened to Avril’s songs they inspired me to play again get the sticks and start to play again because I loved to play drums when I was 9 that’s when I started playing. Now I’m 21 but I took a lot of break and didn’t practice at all so I had no clue about drumming and I had to start it over from the very basics how to hold the sticks and what exercises should I do to develope speed, technique and to actually enjoy it and I’d just mention that I still had school and a lot of homework I was overwhelmed it didn’t seem that I have any free time to do anything else than practice drums, for university and do my homework getting ready for classes and final exameven on the weekends. It was just weird that I still found time to chat with this stranger girl because she was back then she can approve that. Now thinking back that we were strangers for each other seems a bit funny because now no one could separate us from each other even this ugly, cold, dirty world.

I started to read her bulletins and comment on it and that’s how we actually started to our first conversations in the comments. Then I just thought I send her an IM (Instant Message) and start to talk to her that way get to know each other. She was very open to it thank god and it surprised me because most at the time they just block me or don’t even reply at all. So I won’t get into it too much what we were talking about first it’s our business, second I don’t remember to those early conversations, I’m sorry. So we just started to introduce ourselves I asked her real name but turned out later that her username is her real name as well as mine and I just loved it that we arleady have one thing that we could talk about like „I don’t understand why people are hide behind fake usernames and pfp” something like that and that’s when I asked her about her profile picture and turned out it was avril as I said above. I laughed because I felt so dumb.

Later she changed her profile picture to a „real” one where she was on it but she covered her face. It was weird for me I didn’t understand why. So I asked why she said „there’s a lot of kidnapper in my country and I’m afraid of they’ll use my face” I said fair and understandable. I won’t mention which country she lives in because it’s not your business I keep that in secret. And I don’t know if I literally said that but something like this „Oh I bet you’re pretty I’m sorry that you have to hide your face” and she said she can send me the original picture if I want. But before that we had a long conversations about life and you know we were asking questions and talked about topics teenage topics. And she said „It’s time to move to another platform do you have discord?” I siad „Ofc here’s my discord Id you can add me…” and so she added me on discord. She sent the whole picture and the first impression she made was like wow! She was/is so pretty and cool I was so jealous and still to her bedroom and I saw that there’s a lot of stuff around her mirror like selena gomez and avril photos, posters about avril and basically all the band that I love and listened to! I thought in myself „We just gotta be friends no question!” So we got into stuffs like asked each other if we have siblings turned out yes! I said „I have a younger sister. And you? Do you have any siblings?” She said „I have a younger brother.” and later we had this kind of euphoric feel as we moved on and talked she later asked me when’s my birthday because we had a lot of in common, I said „July 22 and yours?” she said I don’t remeber if literally this but something like this, „lol! July 20”.

I literally dropped my jaw and said „No fucking way!” she said „yes way”. Like still don’t know how the hell we met basically we’re literally twins without question. I was so happy for no reason, I was crying for no reason I just lived in the moment and spend all my time with this girl who was about to be my best friend. We used discord and still use it to chat but a few hundred of conversations later we moved to another platform that I won’t name it and she gave me her phone number as well. So we started to talk there too and on discord and honestly I couldn’t wait to text again a day later like every single day whenever I had free time. We shared a lot of photos, memes and mostly we talked about avril especially in the very beginning to just have a conversation. Later we had different topcis like school and art stuffs that we talked about and we shared and the same opinion on pretty much everything. Which didn’t surprised me because it seems two different people in two different body, but actually one soul, one heart. I still believe her soul is my soul, her heart is my heart, if she sad I’m sad, if she cries I cry… We just mean so much to each other and respect, admire each other for being who we are.

Later we got into conversations that was out of my comfort zone, but I was open to it and I said why not I’m okay with that. And so she asked about my religion and I said „Well, I’m atheist.” of course she was so kind and acceptable she didn’t questioned it she just said she was curious and kinda confused about it and I said it’s alright, it’s fine you can ask me whatever you want. So that’s where I started to thinking who I am? What my religion is? I think that’s not a secret that she’s orthodox christian that’s a fact later I decided to be christian on my own. What I mean by that is one day I literally just said „I’m christian!” and since that day I’m christian. She influenced me that’s not a secret, she helped me to find home, to pray more and start to believe in god and in myself and build some confidence. I was confident, but she just helped me to BE not to just say „I’m confident” while I wasn’t. So she’s the reason why I believe in god and helped me to prove I’m wrong if I think no one believes in me also it’s okay to think god doesn’t exist it’s your own belief you still believe in something or someone if you think god doesn’t exist, well you already believe in something. Christians do not hate atheist or anyone they love and accept the way people are like jesus did and do! She just helped me to see the world from another perspective and from the other side from a positive side and I’m so greatful for her for that.

So as we got into every imagineable topics night by night and basically finished every topic we just got closer and stronger I felt closer and I felt our friendship/relationship call it however you want it just became stronger and stronger and this is just one of the most beautiful things in a people’ life. If you think I’m wrong well then one of us lie and most at the time I’m right! I’ve learned from her how to give a shit about someone else’s opinion what they think of me and just be who I want to be and who I am. Also Avril’s song played huge ’role’ in this but mainly my friend she’s the „director”.

From these conversations I found out a lot of things about her she’s a super talented girl we have the same interests as me and we’re the same person the same personality and that’s just unbelieveable I still don’t understand how we could be the same personality, but I love it I’m the number one fan of us. If anyone knows me and think how shy, amazing, talented, cute, full of heart, kind guy I am then you actually don’t have to meet her because she’s the same. She’s so artistical and determined about what she wants and does and I’m always drop my jaw when I see one of her work she’s truly amazing artist and person.

Chapter Three

„The Teacher” 

I will call this chapter „The Teacher” because we’ve learned so much from each other. She said she’s thankful for me for teaching her stuffs that she didn’t know about or wasn’t sure. Well let me tell you something, I’ve learned a lot more from her than she from me that’s for sure. She helped me to find ’home’ and to understand that I have values, I’m needed, loved, cared and important the people are luck that I’m here and exist, What kind of human being can compose like her? I’ll help you NO ONE! We could learn from her a lot she’s just a bit shy but that’s okay she could be all of us’ Martin Luther King or leader whatever…

She said „I’ve learned so much from you, you introduced me to alternative songs and world…”. I actually did nothing I just shared my love about music, art and stuffs that I love in life activities and stuffs like these so I still dunno how she could learn something from me especially because I’m not a (good) teacher but like anyone else I just learn from my mistakes and I watch out to never make them again! I like talking about my mistakes and share with people to make sure to never make those mistakes.

She’d be the kind of best example of a good friend or best friend. I’m struggling with so many things in life and she’s there to hold my hand all the time and just walk with me anytime she’s able to on my own path and she says „you don’t have to this alone, not you’re the only one who struggles or fights with mental illness…” and she’s right. But what’s better than listenting to depressed songs and turning into yourself not answering to the phone at all and be unkown for gosh 3 months? A friend like her. She saved my life she cried with me and was depressed about me about my situation that wish she could help me. She already did by answering to my messages and just be there for me, I can count on her that’s all the small things that matters truly. People are often forget about all the small things that matters! Sometimes people think I’m not enough greatful for her and never thank her for these what she do for me. Well let me tell you something, I thank her anytime we chat for just simply for existing literally „thank you for existing and being part of my life” fuck it I’m not afraid to say that and get emotional. I think one of my red flags is I make therapy sessions all the time I talk to people but fuck it this is who I am I’m emotional and sensitive.

She didn’t just taught me how to be more patient towards people but towards anyone like my sister, family, mental ill people, pets and itself LIFE. She gave me a reason to find out how does it feel to just love for no reason. I was angry and freaked out to so many people in my life a lot of „friends” of mine are just left me after I graduated from high school and even before I started high school so I had zero friends. But I’m just thankful for this one who is truly my best life long friend and I just hope she thinks the same about me. I wanted to do a lot of stupid shit in my life but she was the one who stopped me and said „Hey, I don’t think so it’s a good idea just please don’t do any stupid unthoughtful shit.” because that’s what a true friend would say or someone who cares about you maybe more than even yourself! She thaught me how to control myself and just think about it and not to lose my mind immediately. And learn to cry is not weakness it’s actually help to let out all the shit you don’t need. A lot of men think crying is weakness always the weaks cry but no I can approve it helps a lot. Back in November 2024 I’ve cried daily 20 fucking minutes because I missed my friend she didn’t give any sign I seemed hopeless I’ve lost all my faith in almost everyone and everything except god I just fricking prayed everyday and I do not regret anything I did. I just regret the time I spent without my friend that two-three months is a lot without your mate especially if you two mean the world to each other.

There’s a LOT of lessons that I gotta learn, how to be a better friend, person and understand that everyone has its own life and struggle no one can be there all the time 24/7 just because of me and I can’t expect it from anyone and I won’t. I noticed that sometimes I’m straight asshole and mean, selfish in some way even if other doesn’t notice it I do and it’s bother me!

Chapter Four

The Final Chapter

But Here We Are I’m just kidding (this is Foo Fighter’s new album) but yes here we are in the present. Our friendship/relationship whatever (call it how you want) started two years ago I’ve met her two years ago this April 4th. It’s crazy to think about it because it’s like I know her since decades and I’ve learned so much from her and shared a lot of emotional moments I mean A LOT. I’m just glad that I’m there for her and I was there when needed and I wish to be there in the future as well anytime I’m needed! She motivates me she’s inspire me and pushing me hard daily because how hard she works and not afraid to put in the work into something and I admire her for this. I’m a lazy type of person but when it comes to work I love to put a lot of time and hard work in something or someone that I believe in and while I’m lazy she works really hard and basically that’s how she motivates me. She inspires me with her edits and photos like how free, wild and creative is she in a good way! She taught me how to accept myself the way is because she accepted me from the very beginning it’s just me who fight with himself yet, still. I hope I can really just kill or just leave the inner selfhater because she hates and honestly me too but I don’t know that’s just the way is how I motivate and trying to process something that is hard to process or understand for example, everyone has its own life so of course we won’t hangout all the time and that’s fine that’s why I’m hard and harsh towards myself. Anytime I took her advice my life just became better and better and better that’s how she basically changed my life, with being part of my life, existing and now I think of her as my family, as my shelter, as my therapist, my soulmate, my partner in everything, my supporter, my number one fan… And I hope she knows that I’m her number one fan and she’ll be my best friend forver because we all know people are only can have one best friend that’s why it’s called best friend. I also know that not all the time you’re the best friend of your best friend so that’s kinda funny. I’m just happy for her for being part of my life and taught me all the humble, human things I need in life that I didn’t know, so we can say not just Btaman is my favourite hero but my friend too not to mention in first place! I wish a friend like mine to everyone in life because we need more of persons like her and I don’t know maybe we could change the world or some part of it or habits or the view or stand up together against the villains I believe together we’re stronger than anyone.

So that'd be my long essay about my friend/ our friendship. Thank you so much for reading it I dedicate this essay to my friend obviously! See you in the next one!

P.S. to my friend

Yours XO,

Darius :)