Dear Diary (I AM THE CREATURE)

Dear diary,

     Not recognising yourself in the mirror is a terrifying thing. Waking up in the morning, looking into the mirror hoping to see the one person you think you know, only seeing a shell of what you used to be.

It was not me I locked eyes with. It was a cold, tired creature, wearing my flesh. Part of me feels bad for it.. part of me wants my old self back, the self that was warm and caring.

     Will I ever get my past self back? Is it worth it to try? Should I start accepting I'll never get my life back?

     Tomorrow I will look in the mirror again, see nothing of myself. It's become a routine. The only routine that has given me even the slightest bit of comfort in the recent days, at that. I'll let the creature become me, I can show it how to love, how to live, how to care. 

     Although, if the creature is me, than it should already know how to, right?

Dear diary,

     I dreamt last night, I haven't had a dream in ages. It was warm, it was comforting. It's like the world wanted to give me a break for once. It was the world sending me a message.

     When I woke up I was cold, I was alone. Only me and the flesh that was once myself. Although I cant // I won't let it get to me. Holding onto the very little good things I am given is what keeps me alive.

     I am myself, there is nothing else in the world I, and my loved ones would want me to be. I am myself, I've just changed.