Dad?

No, he's not my dad, he's nothing, he's just a nuisance and a headache that I have to survive every weekend every time he calls me by my deadname. Yes, I'm trans, live with that Xd. He only knows how to highlight my failures, and how I'm never going to be a real boy. He's so conservative that it's annoying, it can't be that someone who is "fashionable" doesn't know how to accept his son's transsexuality. I've had so many attempts to end my life thanks to him, and he insists that it's my mom's fault, because of the fact that I live with her... but of course, he's always right, he's the good guy in the story and my mom is the green witch. I hate going to his house every weekend to... just be there... he doesn't love me, he only wants me to have a purpose to pay the most possibly minimum pension that humanity has ever seen and he calls me a failure for my grades that are not even as minimal as the ones he had at my age. he only knows how to complain and complain, it makes me so sick that sometimes I just want to rip his intestines out with a knife, I'm completely overwhelmed and the fact that he tells me directly that he would have liked a male child, it's like "???" I had a lot of problems with him because I came out of the closet as trans and he, after almost disinheriting me and completely abandoning me, gave me a totally awful apology, saying "I-I'm sorry, I didn't think before I spoke, I'm a pain in the ass, I'm so sorry DAUGHTER". If he really wanted to apologize to me, he wouldn't have called me "DAUGHTER" in his horrible, shitty apology. To this day he calls me daughter and by my deadname, I hate that, I hate that despite having repeated it a thousand and one times he continues to call me by a name that I have hated my entire fucking sad life. The icing on the cake is that when someone notices that I'm a boy, he comes and corrects me saying "no no, she's a girl". I FEEL LIKE I'M JUST A FUCKING DISAPPOINTMENT AND A BURDEN TO HIM!! I HATE HIM I HATE HIM