I've played these games before! 

I used to be a serious over lover in my past relationship, sometimes it had even harmed not just my relationship but myself. I can still vividly recall her, and with it my first bumpy road to love, it was a bit complicated due to having no faults nor blame given to one another. Rather it had been just victim of circumstance. To which I could confidently say was probably a bad introduction to the whole thing. 

To this day I hold no bars to her, from a relationship standpoint all we had was communication and the more distant she became the more panicked I was. Did I do something wrong? through this pothole, did I lose her in the process? I feared every day waiting and walking on eggshells for when she inevitably blocks me or tells me she has found someone new. Until eventually I had found myself stopped caring and loved her anyways. 

I had realized through others and well myself that she is not the person I thought of her to be, I thought myself to never put people on pedestals but here I was hurting her for the doing just that. I had found myself setting expectations and pressuring her to be stronger, stronger than I ever will be because, why isn't she? She was confident and bold, straight-headed and always blunt with what she wants (most times). But it suddenly creeped on me the fact that, she was vulnerable.

And I, having thought of this (at the time and to me) a strong-willed and amazing person was scared. Scared like I had felt many times before. Made me reflect on what I had done, I was scared in losing her. But in truth what I had done was push her only farther away. 

When she was hurt and needed space, I had gone out of my way to get myself hurt and whine to her. I tried to uncomplicate a situation with no blame, doing anything to find a clear cut answer but there never will be. The pedestal was set and I had shamed her for refusing to stay on it. 

But mistakes happen and eventually or right now we are falling out. Rightfully so she deserves better. Without a doubt in my mind I still love her, I find her in between words of my poetry and my mind on days where the sun shines just a bit more than it usually does. When winds pick up and when bugs crawl on my lap. I'm sure she felt the same. Where learning that even I guess someone like me who overthinks a lot forgets to sometimes think that, they're human too. And completely different, people love differently and want to be loved so. 

And I was too busy loving her like how I'd want to be loved before ever thinking of how she needed to be loved.