i've learnt now that maybe i should just nod, smile and let him talk

he won’t listen, he won’t believe he does wrong, he lies and pretends he understands but i know him. i know when he lies. i’m not stupid.

i am sensitive, but anybody would feel sensitive to the things he says; the way he acts.

he makes me feel like i am ruining everything, but am i the one who was texting girls behind his back? was i the one liking pictures and tiktok’s of half naked girls, begging for their attention? was i the one who fucked a girl and was he the one who walked in on it? no.

i could say so much and do so much, but i don’t, why? because i care. too much. i care for others much more than myself. i would do so much for him, take all the bullets in the world. although he thinks, ‘i bring nothing to the table’ i understand his point of view, at times i do nothing, most times i lay in bed, but i’m tired. i’m depressed. i’m anxious. he knew this. he knew this even before he decided to cheat on me. i would never wish that heartbreak on him. i would never wish that grief on him. i wouldn’t wish that shit on anybody. he told me the same thing, before and afterwards. yet, he still decided to break my heart, shatter my life. he told me i would become his wife.

he slaps his thigh, rolls his eyes and sighs whenever i ask for him to accompany to the shops. he says “we don’t need to do everything together” i say, “i know, but i’d like you there” why is he so frustrated and annoyed to go on outings with me. it really upsets me, it makes me cry, but whenever i express this he repeats the same actions.

i can’t tell him how i’m feeling, ever. he says he can’t tell me, but deep down i know he knows i am much more understanding and by much more, i mean MUCH MORE.