transitionary period? -- what is this joy

Recently, there have been few moments of sadness, and I'm unsure whether this is because sorrow has become an increasingly rare occasion in my life or if, perhaps, I've somehow managed to transcend it altogether. I am afraid to admit that such developments worry me, if not frighten me; I have repeatedly felt an immense joy within myself, and I am not used to such a sensation much. Regardless, I try not to question things these days or analyze them, as I've figured out that much of my unhappiness comes from doing exactly that. I let things happen as they do, and if I am meant to be overwhelmed with joy these days, then so be it.

I keep wondering; there has to be a way to get used to the lack of sorrow in my life; there has to come a time in my life when I finally let go of it and not depend on it. Is the time finally come? I've lived with a cloud of sorrow hanging over me most of my life; in fact, I've gotten used to it so much I've accepted it as an essential part of me. As I get older, I begin to wonder if it is an essential part of it, or have I made it a part of myself out of inability to deal with it properly? Joy feels unusual and, thus, uncomfortable. It also feels new and, thus, exciting. I wonder what joy feels like to people whose hearts never soaked in misery like mine did. And why has it, even? Is it my clinical depression that tainted my taste for ecstasy? January has been kind to me; I am thankful. I hope the rest of the year is too.

I am tired of being tired of life; I am looking forward to the warmth of spring.