VENT POST- MAJOR TW

I fucking hate these people. I fucking hate every single person in this school. I've been stabbed in the back, persecuted and as much as i hate to say it. bullied. at least thats what my mom calls it. 

what is it called when a group of girls corner you in a room and tell you exactly what you did wrong to them? lie on your name and recount events, where you apparently wronged them. Events that didn't even occur. Yeah it's an excuse for them to hate me. Maybe there is a real reason to hate me. Maybe i am a horrible person, and maybe theres a reason i'm left with only one friend. who at one point also hated me. 

I'm a thief, a snitch, a snake, a whore, bitch, annoying and they've told me that they flat out hate my personality. Like excuse me for being alive. 

You're all terrible people with terrible morals and a waste of space. 

Fuck all of you, i hope you all get what is coming to you. I can't tell exactly what your problem is with me. but what i do know is that y'all can all go fuck yourselves long and hard. 

It's always a boy with you, isn't it? this isn't the first time its happened where you accuse me of stabbing you in the back when it comes to a boy. listen if you wanted to take my ex-situationship to this prom THEN YOU'RE MORE THAN WELCOME TO. i'm not a bitch like that, and im not insecure like that. hell if you wanted to date him and have his fucking kids GO AHEAD. what i have a problem with is the fact that you turned him against me and asked him to this prom out of spite for me. You asked him to come with you because you THOUGHT I asked the boy you had a crush on. you did all of that before even coming to speak about it with me, before you even asked me if it was true. Then you proceeded to lie to me and confront me in that room with all of those people, you allowed that evil, conniving, pretentious motherfucker to accuse me of shit i didn't do. 

I don't know why i always have to be the one to go through this. I cried myself to sleep last night and can barely compose myself now. The last time this happened it took a long time for me to recover. I don't know if i'll recover this time. it's hard enough the first time, but the second time really makes a girl think. Maybe i am the problem. Maybe the fact that i exist is the problem. I'm only publishing this so atleast someone knew i was really struggling so whoever comes across this knows that i am not the person i've been painted out to be in my small community. I know that there is so much more out there for me. Its my last year here, the last time i'll have to deal with these torrid people. When i get to university, all i want is a fresh start. Away from these people and all the trauma i've been handed to on a silver platter. I struggle in group conversations, i struggle with confrontation (something i've never struggled with before) I can't put myself out there anymore and often find myself quiet in group conversations especially with new people. I can't make friends, in fear that they'll hate me too for simply existing. These are things ive never struggled with before, but apparently i do now. 

I fucking hate every single one of you, you all make me sick, and sometimes you make me feel like dying.  

I feel i should preface i am okay, i'm not suicidal or anything, i just needed to get this off of my chest. I'm okay, I'm not ending it all i promise, I just feel like that sometimes. My mother is aware of all of the treatment i've been facing from these people. I just needed to vent