holy yapyapyap

it's raining right now and it has been for most of the day. I love the rain so much, its absolutely lovely to listen to and i find it incredibly refreshing to feel. I also love wearing big bulky and warm clothes so My wardrobe is perfect for it. Its a bit of a shame that my family is watching Dexter so loud in the living room, its distracting from the rain noises but admittedly typing this out is Also kinda distracting lol. I also must say I've been locking myself up in my room recently and that kind of came to a head just now but thankfully im feeling awhole lot better and the rain is Still going ! I was a bit concerned it would be gone by now but its lot, and I love that. I really do love the rain,all kinda really. Its been switching from heavy rain to just average and thats all good with me. A personal favorite is when its light so the droplets can land on your lashes and kiss your face. Not that i dont also love heavy rain though, I especially love how the droplets on the top of my head and in the center of my palm. But of course Im talking as someone who's still inside, all cozy and bundled up which, i also really like that aspect of the rain too xp 

Its only 5 but my eyes feel heavt and tired, and i've got the world's slightest headache which is a bit of a shame. You'd think i'd fall asleep but im still unable to ! its really a shame..

God damn it, the tv is louder than the rain and my cousins are making somethink in the kitchen. I mean, i cant Blame them for wanting to Do things instead of just laying down all day like me but Still,,, it doesnt rain every day :-(( Maybe I oughtta move to tge UK or something 

I guess on non rain related things, I started trying to make a sketchbook yesterday. I cut the pages and punctured most of them for the spiral but that's about it so far. Was recording myself for most of it since i kinda want to get into making youtube videos instead of just imagining it. I've also got an interview tomorrow for a place pretty nearby which im glad about, but at the same time... Im a bit peeved, mostly because I also already did an interview for a place Near my school and they never got back to me, and the schedule for the place near my school was a whole lot more convenient than the one bear my place. oh well, I probably wont even get the job anyway :/ ugh On one hand i reallyyyyyy want money but on the other hand im so lazyyy and tired Allllll the time !! I barely have motivation for the projects i actually *want* to do :-( ah well I've gotta get ajob eventually, I cant keep relying on fafsa money. UGHHH HHHHH HOD DAMN IT GOD DAMN IT GOD DAMN ITTTTTT FUCK I DONT WANNA GO BACK TO SCHOOLLLLLL UGHFHHJGKKGKK

i Know Thats an overreaction but i've become sooooo comfortable just being in my room all day and doing nothing, but like at the same time Being in my room all day and doing Nothing is like killing me, i Gotta do stuff. Man i hate that its so easy to do nothing all the time.

Apparently according to the weather app the rains gonna stop inless than an hour, and the tv is still louder :-(( oh well I hope i can appreciate the rain more mext time 😞

I think.. im gonna rest my eyes a bit. I probably wont actually sleep but i'll close them. I've been looking at screens too close for Farrr to long, im honestly pretty certain im going cross eyed but thats a problem for future me 😵‍💫 I also really hope i can call with my friends again later today. I know i shouldn't but honestly i think I rely on them too much for my own happiness. I gotta find some joy on my own cuz otherwise in the weeks i spend completely by myself i just sorta spiral a bit until im the Meanest person in the world towards myself. I seriously gotta work that out but for now Im gonna close my eyes. If i have any more thoughts before the say ends than i'll just edit this and add it on. The rains slightly louder now also ehich i appreciate :-) 

Alrighty then, baiiiiiii ^_^