The same problem over and over and over again

I journal, and yesterday I went through my old journals. I started journaling from a pretty young age. Like around 8 or 9 years old. 

After reading all of the things I've written in the past and what I wrote recently, I realised that I have been going through the same problem and feeling over and over again. It's been years. The problems starts from family, friends, school, education, etc.

The main point of what I wrote in all of those journals is always that I don't understand what they want from me. I don't understand what makes them do that to me; I don't understand why no one notices that I'm trying my best to become what they want. 

Is it almost pathetic that I've been writing and dealing with the same problem for most of my life, and till this day i still don't have the answers to it. No matter how many youtube videos i watch, no matter how many pages i've written about it, at the end of the day i still don't have it figured out.

I'm still a 15 now and i know it's probably not that deep that i don't know what the answer is to it but still, i sometimes feel weird about it