how to get me to like u INSTANTLY; an example scenario [written in greentext cuz F U]

I'm putting this on my blog purely to never forget this interaction :3

- im at my job [cashier] 

- a regular customer comes by my register [middle aged lady]

- shes brought her son w/ her for the first time and he looks familiar

- i greet her and her son and he looks at me and goes "[name]?"

- i realize why he looks familiar and say "H? You're I's boyfriend right?" [I is a friend of mine]

- He turn away awkwardly and says "Well, was..." [SINGLE ALERT]

- he immediately changes the subject and starts excitedly yapping abt my recent senior school play, he says that i played really well and he really liked my character

- without giving me time to respond, he starts excitedly yapping abt how he loved my black hair [i used to have black and purple hair w/ raccoon tails] and how cool it was that i always dye my hair and how he dyed his hair black once, but got scared that his hair would never be the original color again

- i explain to him how hair growth works and he bashfully admits to not thinking about that

- he starts yapping abt how it's cool that i work at [store] and that i must live pretty close by, as he's seen me in the neighborhood a few times

- i explain that i live in the neighborhood around the store

- he immediately tells me where he lives [it's a few cities over] and i ask why they shop at this specific store

- he goes into lore abt better shops and items

- he also starts yapping abt how he hangs around in the nearby city, but also here w/ friends

- he starts yapping abt his own job [he works at a pizza place, he gave me the name and everything] [i fucking FORGOT tho cuz i was so distracted by him]

- more yapping ensues, eventually his mom pays and they walk away

- as he walks away he waves excitedly at me, smiling with his eyes closed and goes "Byee!! see you again!"

I LOVE CHALANT PEOPLE, FUCK YOUR NONCHALANTNESS!!!! GIMME A YAPPER BABY!!

MIND YOU he's really popular and literally looks like a model [also im 90% sure he has autism]

ALSO he has a good sense of fashion and his go-to bag is a green messenger bag. [my mom called him "the ultimate beachboy"] [he's very golden retriever coded] 

He looks like Gavin Calasegno

with a little bit of Jeremiah Fisher mixed in

GUYS LIKE THIS ARENT USUALLY MY TYPE BUT I WILL NOT PASS UP AN AUTISTIC GOLDEN RETRIEVER BOY ARE YOU KIDDING ME