snickers (vent, not super heavy but still,,)

im so sleepy i dont want to do portfolios but then i gotta remember in just a few years i’ll be out of school,,

I dunno have to drive 😞 i dont know how to ride a bike even

I’ll probably fail my first job

not going to college so i just have to hope my skills are good for a job

but all i know how to do is draw and talk, not even that good with both

i just want money :( sigh,, and also

my best friends are barely online they are either sad or working

i feel like im not catching up quick enough im too ‘silly’ and procrastinated to be busy like they are

like i already am stressed and i wish to speak with someone but im too scared to make new friends

everyone i speak with i feel like i make them uncomfortable unintentionally.

friends say they all say thdy cherish me and am glad i met them but a part of me feels like the friend group would thrive on without me, probably even better

im not saying im ungrateful for them i just sometimes wonder how would life be without my existence. would things be better,, 

i wish i could get that answer. its so tiring being socially anxious while also being social

that probably doesnt make sense. a part of me is selfish and wish that someone can see this and comfort me on this. but another part is saying i hope no one will. perhaps i’ll be better once spring hits and hopefully things will be better in my life.