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TODAY, TO MIX THINGS UP, I'M GONNA BE RANKING EVER WINDOWS VERSION AS A LINUX USER. SPOILER ALERT: EVERY WINDOWS VERSION SUCKS, SOME JUST SUCK LESS THAN OTHERS.
WINDOWS 1 THROUGH 3.0
Complete shit. At this point there was no legitimately good reason to use Windows over any other graphical shell for MS-DOS. The user interface is horrible, the colors are jarringly bad no matter what graphics mode you use, and the usability is just not there.
Look at this absolute dumpster fire and tell me it's a usable alternative to a Mac as far as 80s computing goes. I dare you.
WINDOWS 3.1
As far as usability goes, this is a decent improvement. Overall, it's still ass, but at least using it doesn't make my eyeballs wanna kill themselves.
WINDOWS NT 3.1 THROUGH 3.51
Windows actually starts to get decent. Far more stable than DOS-based Windows, but lacking some of the conventional usability.
WINDOWS 95
Best DOS-based Windows by a long shot. The interface is nice, it doesn't have any of Microschlong's Internet Explorer integration, and was well-supported by applications and games for a good while after other version came along.
WINDOWS NT 4.0
Now this, this is good shit (in the context of Windows).
Mixes the interface niceties of 95 with the stability of previous NT versions. Though it kinda lacks in driver support, finding the right hardware makes this the best version of Windows, bar none.
WINDOWS 98
Microsoft had a good thing going with 95 and NT 4 and threw it all out the window (lol). The forced integration of Internet Explorer that was so excessive that MS is still struggling to remove it in modern Windows versions now that Edge is the default browser. That weird thing where advertisers could rent space on your desktop to show ads. Just awful.
WINDOWS 2000
Most consider it an improvement over NT 4, but I don't really care. NT 4 is my bad bitch, and no amount of shmeat-riding the new popular girl will change that.
WINDOWS ME
In my experience it's dogshit, but not as terrible as everyone claims. It's no more or less of a candidate for "worst OS ever" than any other version of Windows. As long as you're just doing regular computer shit (web browsing, documents, Windows native games) it's fine, but mess with anything DOS-related and things start to fall apart. Overall it's like 98 but more gimped.
WINDOWS XP
Hot take - Windows XP is hot garbage, even in the context of Windows.
Take off your rose-tinted glasses for a second.
Way higher hardware requirements than any prior version of Windows with little to no justification other than that it's far more bloated.
Claims to be "plug and play" yet on anything other than an OEM install on prebuilt hardware, next to no drivers are present, whereas in my experiences with 95 and NT 4, most basic drivers are present where on XP they aren't.
The default theme is also ass. Don't get it twisted, I love skeuomorphism as a software design language, but this ain't it. The damn thing looks like a little tykes play set. I'm aware 95 and NT 4 aren't great lookers either, but at least it's not forcing a ridiculous looking theme that only offers neuron activation in babies.
Plus, even among Windows versions, XP's security is beyond gimped.
WINDOWS VISTA
In my humble opinion, Windows Vista is the absolute best looking Windows version around. The Aero theme still looks fresh to this day. A massive step up from XP.
People like to hate on this version because of its invasive pop-ups whenever you try to run an EXE, but I see that as a plus, considering Windows' security is so universally fucked that at least Vista's trying to provide some level of confirmation before you run some random EXE called "Roblox free 1000000 robux no virus!1!!!one! 2013.exe"
WINDOWS 7
Literally just Vista with higher hardware requirements and extra bloat. I'll take Vista instead (though ideally I'd rather not run any version of Windows on any of my machines)
WINDOWS 8 AND 8.1
The idea of giving a desktop operating system a mobile-oriented interface is exactly the kind of crack-bender shit I expect to come out of Microsoft. Nobody wanted this. Nobody liked this. Nuff said.
WINDOWS 10
Windows 10 is the point at which Microsoft said "fuck it" and freely admitted to spying on their users. Not that the consumertards cared. I can literally smell the government backdoors in this slop OS from a mile away.
And yet, with all that said, this is the last truly redeemable Windows version before the absolute hellscape that is...
WINDOWS 11
If Windows 10 was the point where MS admitted to spying on users, Windows 11 is the point where they parade it as a feature and nobody questions it.
The sheer amount of advertising, government backdoors, bloated background telemetry, AI integration cancer, and general dogshittery present in this "OS" makes me wonder how anyone willingly uses it, let alone enjoys it. If I were stuck living in a world where I have no choice but to use Windows 11 on my computer, I'd drop off the grid and start a new life as a Patagonian cattle farmer named Mendez "The Big Ferb" Jenkenheimer.
If given the opportunity, I would instantly napalm Microsoft HQ and remotely purge Windows from every computer in the universe.
Comments
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Grave
Due to some software I needed and the fact that I'm on a laptop, I had to switch from Linux Mint to Windows 10. I'm not super knowledgeable to be honest, but I can't wait until I can afford a seperate laptop so I can go back to linux. Windows 10... I hate a lot of it to be honest. ESPECIALLY your point about it being weirdly 'mobile'-oriented, it's annoying and really unnecessary. I've never used a Mac but I wonder how their software compares. Great post!