its time to let go of trust and start on growth.

I feel as if the concept of trust is straightforward. it's always an idea you in your head build about those around you. but never about what those around you build about you. humans are emotional beings. we have souls, and are capable of spiritual attachments. you know what we also are? 

fucking stupid. 

we continue to make narratives about our everyday lives, in which we claim and convince ourselves into believing, "oh, this person loves me" "she / he would never do me like that" "meant to be". building trust based on our own thoughts and not reality. tying souls together tightly with a string, and not even knowing if that person we are so tied to... so obsessed to, would bear the blade that would slice that string apart mercilessly- with no second fucking thoughts. 

i hate trust. i hate people who make me trust. i hate the idea of blindly living in pleasure and having someone i love, someone i depend on, just kill what we had. 

trust is what made we who i used to be in the past. I was a child. Children are always itched with the need to be curious, to be welcoming to anyone who drops by. But with time...now, i will grow.

i love growth. i love people who help me grow. i don't have to get to know them. i don't have to build trust with them - to know that they would help me improve myself daily. I'm not attaching my self to these people, i'm not giving them my soul and they're not giving me theirs to make a bond. If they hurt me, does it really matter? did i really acre about them in the first place? they were good for the plot, no? but while they're still here, they're focused on stabilising themselves mentally and so am i. 

so in the end, we grow together. 

[ heyy guys, today i decided to write a little poetic rant about how it's time to focus on me. lately i feel like relationships have been bringing me down and spiralling into a deep hole that i don't want to be in. if you relate with my writing, friend me and lets be friends <3. ]