Are you gonna cowboy up or just lay there and bleed?

I've been going through it honestly. I've messed up and I'm starting to feel a very heavy depressive episode coming on and I hate it (I wish MDD wasn't real) and all I want to do is run away to somehwhere nobody knows me. But that's ok it happens! it's not unlike me to mess good things up. I wish I wasn't like this, but I cannot live any other way. (Arthur morgan reference) It's not that I don't want to I just can't do it I can't seem to figure it out. It sometimes feels like everyone else in the world in in on some big ol' secret I haven't been let in on. 

BUT 

I'll carry on. I might not have figured it out yet, but I will eventually. I'm a big old cowboy god damnit! I may be sad, and I may not know what to do but have you ever seen a cowboy look lost? NUH UH they always look like they know what they're doing even when they are lost and far from home. COWBOY GIRL OUT!!!