my soulmate

my dog is getting old.

i know this because she doesn't play as much anymore,

and when she lays down, she does this deep huff and sigh like it took the breath out of her,

and because she doesn't care so much anymore when i bug her. 

(it doesn't rile her up like it used to. now she gives me this look, and i stop and just pet her instead.)

i don't know what i'll do when she passes.

she's been my constant and my soulmate for so long.

we grew up together.

i don't think i could stand a day where she doesn't rest her head on my leg and breath on me while i write this.

i got her from a friend who's dog had a litter of puppies.

nobody wanted her,

because she was timid and had an extra toe.

(she didn't want the extra toe either. kept trying to chew it off. eventually we just got it removed.)

my dad picked her up and immediately she went to sniff me.

she hid under the seat of the truck the whole ride back.

she got home and pooped on the carpet.

(she was an unplanned dog, so we didn't have a leash or harness for her when we took her. my dad left to the store to get supplies for her, but we didn't want to risk taking her out until he got back.)

she was so little then, and now she's so big, and i don't know what i'd do if i lost her.

i think its unfair that dogs don't have longer lifespans.

i just want more time with her.

she's my soulmate.

nobody in this world has ever gotten me quite as much as her.

i know i'll never be able to recreate that.

she's special.

my dog is getting old,

and i really don't want to have to say goodbye one day,

and i don't know how to handle that.