poems i wrote about my trans experience

glowing tv’s create life, not harm

i saw the tv glow once when i was 9

i soon would learn that in order to survive,

i had to turn the tv off.

i saw the tv flicker once when i was 12

my friends didn’t seem to want me to delve-

in siding with time, “there are only two genders”

they unplugged the tv.

the tv began to glow again when i was 20

this time i explored the tv- i didn’t feel empty 

i saw the tv glow, i still see the glow

now at 23, how couldn’t i see?

the glow of the tv, has chosen me.

i can’t turn it off, i can’t unplug the tv,

so all that’s left before me is to live freely

• lunan 

(this one is about when i realized i wasnt cis, then shoved that thought into a dark hole of my brain where i forgot until the next time period of my life- and now i live as myself :)

simply be

and when your bones are laid in the dirt,

the ground and sun will not care about the hurt

they will care about you,

no matter what you’ve been through

so live your life without caring of the hurt

live your life as you- wear that vest or skirt

you are valued wholly

you are not unholy

just simply be.

• lunan 

(message of this one is that no trans or queer person is unholy and to "just simply be")

there is still time

“there is still time”

unaware stare filled eyes

locked onto the movie screen

oh what a gloomy scene

“there is still time”

for you to climb-

time to be yourself

wouldn’t want to gather dust on the bookshelf,

“there is still time”

still life left to be in your prime;

i saw the tv glow

and oh, what a show

• lunan 

(inspired by the movie i saw the tv glow roughly, wrote this right after i watched the movie)

a space for nothing and everything

i wish to exist

solely in the black void

i see when my eyes are closed

i did not ask for this body-

i did not ask to bleed on the cycle of the moon-

i wish to exist in a space of nothing;

and everything-

all at once

i am nothing and everything all at once

i shouldn’t have to bleed just to know im alive.

• lunan 

(written about how dysphoric the menstrual cycle can be)