A Day in the Life of a Cryptid

CW/TW: mention of child ab*se

As far back as I can remember, I've never really felt like a human.  Er, I guess I felt like a human, but not like... a real human.  Not one that anyone would expect a functioning member of society to act like, anyway.

Let me explain.

I don't know if it was the fact that I grew up with a mom that belittled any and everything with which I tried to express myself, or the fact that I grew up in a town of 800 people and was the lonesome "emo kid" in a mass of farming folk, or the fact that I probably had undiagnosed ADHD, but I can't even begin to describe the feeling of alienation as I grew up not quite knowing what I was.  I mean, yeah I acted the part - I did my best in school, found a good set of friends that loved me and I them, fought with my mom about whether or not I deserved love and affection, you know, normal teenager shit. 

It wasn't until the day I went to my high school graduation that I realized I was on a life path of becoming a cryptid.  I had middle-of-my-back-length, brown, curly-ass hair, and the day I graduated I got it cut into a pixie, went back home to do my makeup (which wasn't much), and drove back to the ceremony feeling more confident than I ever had.  As a "girl" that grew up not doing or talking about the typical girly things with other girls, I experienced my first time with gender euphoria that day. I felt my personality and body fit so much more with my hair cut the way it was, and I finally didn't care.  I didn't care that I was odd or that I wasn't "normal" or whatever. 

I was free.  I was immediately liberated.  I was ready to move on to bigger and brighter things, like starting my college career and getting jobs.

I didn't realize it at the time, but one of the things I learned about halfway through college was that I was intimidating.  I was scary and different, and when I found that out I was floored.  No wonder the friends I made were all kind and caring people - they saw through the aura of protection my confidence (style?) gave me, and loved me for who I was - they weren't scared by what they saw.

Through my years in college, I got married and divorced, lost loved ones, met the most beautiful humans of my life, and realized who I was.  These things have kept me going through all the hard times and have given me the strength for deeper introspection and meaning.  

I made a discovery that I will never forget and it has changed my life forever. 

That discovery brought me to another discover - I'm not a normal human.  I am a cryptid.  I am not a girl. I am not a boy.  I'm nothing.  I'd rather not be perceived - not because I'm embarrassed or insecure, no - but because I don't matter.  I am that person that you see walking down the street everyday going who knows where.  I'm the person that leaves your life as quickly as I entered.  I'm the person that you can't quite tell what's going on with them because damn it, I am androgynous af. 

Now, I could just identify as agender (I do, but that's just not enough for me), so why do I identify as a cryptid, as well?  Because not only do I have the agender aspect, but I also have the human-ish aspect, too.  What am I? I don't know - human doesn't quite feel right, though.  Cryptid makes me feel good. Cryptid makes me want to be as me as I possibly can be.  And that makes me happy.  It makes me feel authentic, and worthy, and loved.

And yeah, that's pretty awesome.

This is the start to a series of cryptid-posting and self-acceptance.  Thanks for caring enough to learn about me.  Any questions? Lemme know down below.