i wonder if being found was the point all along

someone once told me that we keep playing the games we were good at as kids because we want to relive that little taste of victory, even as we grow older. 

and there was one game i was always good at— hide-and-seek. back in grade school, i was always the last one to be found. i knew all the best hiding spots, the ones where i could squeeze my little body into, hold my breath, and stay perfectly still for as long as it took. i remember the quiet thrill of watching others search for me, their voices growing distant, then fading away. i was proud of how well i could disappear.

i guess i'm still playing hide-and-seek. i keep hiding from people who has the biggest chance of finding me, and i keep winning. 

but this victory feels empty. i wonder if being found was the point all along.

E