life yap

ngl i havent experienced much in life. until abt a year ago i had hardly any friends and i only talked to them at school, plus im generally pretty socially awkward :// i also hadnt drunk alcohol and thought parties were perhaps soemthing that only rlly happened in other countries cause i had never heard of them happening. still havent been kissed, or been on a date, or been asked out, or experienced anything more than platonic. (i hav tried asking out ppl before but got turned down lol) it kinda sucks cause all my friends hav been in multiple relationships n dated n everything :(( it makes me feel a bit left out and left behind, like im missing out on something, especially when i wanna feel romance so badly. i am only 17 tho so idk :p i hav this one irl friend, theyve done everything u can rlly experience in life and theyre the same age as me. we were talking abt it yesterday and they said it makes life kinda boring now cause theres nothing new left to try or do. i am still jealous of them at times. well, most of the time. still lov them to bits tho <3 but that made me realize i should mayb be greatful for my inexperience...

im mainly in this state of mind cause im moving by myself to live in a small city ive only visited once, in a flat with some rando's who seem nice, and am having to start a new life cause im moving to start university in exactly 19 days. thanks to new experiences last year i grew a personality, found my interests, learned to open up about myself, and started feeling more emotions than just content and complacentness. i am very glad that i now know who i am as a person, so now that i enter this proper chapter of my life ill be able to live it to the fullest and enjoy myself. im hoping this is the year that my life gets interesting and i experience all the things ive wanted to. but it feels a bit silly if im hoping to be kissed for the first time ever, or experience soemthing romantic for once, when im living such a grown up life. i hope i get to live like my friend did, and do all the dumb shit they have. 

i am rlly pissed tho cause all my friends are staying in our current city and going to uni here and im the only one leaving, but my one close friend was actually thinking abt attending my uni in the past but decided not to. they said we talked abt it in the past but i dont remember and i didnt know abt it until they bought it up yesterday. its genuinely crushed me. they mean so much to me and ive only known them for probably 8 months but they hav been the most amazing, kind, fascinating, and creative person ive ever known and now i hav to let them go, but i am just now im finding out they couldve come with me???!??!?! oh well............ ill hopefully still be online friends with them, and mayb come back to live in our city in 3 years once ive finished my degree and get to hang out with everyone again

i just hate that last year i finally had a life that was good and i had proper friends that cared about me, but now i hav to start all over again........ i hate that they all get to stay together and still be friends without me. ik, i can make new friends, but i want the ones i hav now :(((((

oh well, ill survive :p