tired

i hate the fact that i was stupid and incompetent enough to let myself make it far enough to meet people that will miss me if i die when that's what i need the most at the moment, now I can't kill myself because they want me alive. so now I have to put up with constant pain and agony daily. I honestly hope they just forget me so i can fucking kill myself in peace but I can't bring myself to intentionally treat them badly to make them hate me so i can be left alone to die

life as a whole concept should've never existed, it's nothing but pain and disgrace, it's putting you through hell and then telling you that living is beautiful and you shouldn't die and they tell you that the same species that hold you captive and torture you and rape you for their own entertainment are "naturally empathetic beings" and then we're called losers for not having the ability to see this "amazing and beautiful empathy" in humanity. i wish i could beat up the people that say this fucking shit with a metal pipe until their brain is so damaged that they functionally become a plant