Log #3

LIFE
1-23-25
I just woke up today at like 6am, I have work at 10pm cause i still work the graveyard shift T_T, and walmart fucked up my tranfer for the time being. My under wear came in the mail yesterday, so thats nice. I woke up and i cried for like an hour, because I remember going to the steamshow, in missouri, i loved it, the GIANT traction engines running around, there were so many of them, and as a steam engine fanatic, it was a wonder. anyways  i woke up, and a thought came into my mind that my uncle jimmy never got to go, and that we should take him... but then i remembered that he died 6 years ago... I vividley remember it, in three days we lost him, day 1 his stomach hurt really bad, and was taken to the er, day 2 he was diagnosed with stomach cancer, day 3 he was on his death bed.

Anyways, yesterday i had a mildly larg hole on the foot of my fishnets ;(.
I am excited for Taki Udon's FPGA PS1, ive heard its name is SuperStation 1, i would love to pre order it, buuut im running a little tight on money right now and i cant shell out $149, till like the 30th, which is my next pay day. Oh yeah and I apparently Owe NWACC $23.75, and i have to pay em before the 31st, or else they will send a collection agency, according to the suprisingly threatening letter they sent... a little excessive for something the price of a gameboy game.

Another thing i need is a new battery for a 12" powerbook g4, and i need to order more undies for me, mainly because after i transistioned, and during... uh i was quite foolish and bought everything but underwear... oppsies. next paycheck im also going to go look for a refurbished ipod gen 5 classic with a new hdd, and battery, and preferably black... all mainly because that was my old ipod... i may of lost in storage somewhere... and it was on its deathbed anyways, i know how to shimmy songs onto these and such, so yeah.

Looking back at my graduation photos, its quite haunting. On the night right before my graduation i saw a man blow his head off with a shotgun right infront of me.  I couldnt enjoy my graduation or my graduation party... all the photos of me, i have a thousand yard stare in them. i only told my cousin kelton about this, cause well... i my memory serves me correctly when he was 9 he witnessed his uncle blow his head off right infront of him when he was 9. also during the graduation the er was called cause someone had a heat stroke. I was an hour late to my graduation. i did have a small party, and i got $200.  I remember my uncle marks questioning me on why i dont have a girlfriend and such, i keep just diverting the questions and said i was too busy( i was gay at the time, prior to transistioning.) I remember when i got home i got a eviction notice, and the n like a moth later six f4 tornados ran through the town and destroyed everything... all in all... my graduation was ass.

I remember... well... my mom remebered the time i slit my skull open in a bike wreck... that was fun... brake faliure, what else can i trauma dump this form with, like my stalker landon who forced me to do things, locked me in his room, and did unspeakable things i have never mentioned to anyone, hes in prison now thankfully. my entire childhood has been nothing but parents yelling at eachother, and blah blah blah c, my parents smoked around me up until i was like 10, blah blah, childhood trauma. all in all life has been hell but im trying to stay optimistic.

i know nobody is ever going to read this, and i know nobody cares, why do i even make blogs, i could of just done this in a text file, i dont know, but here we are.