Late 01/2025 LOG

Sup Chumps,

These are my late January logs, updated as the days go by.

Today I tried to organize our new apartment. I didn't do well. I had another PTSD spiral. My boyfriend talked to me about a therapist that he thinks is good. My psychiatrist isn't seeing me until March.

My BF got covid from work. I'm beginning to feel it in my lungs. It was an okay day.

Yesterday was when I knew I felt better. The reason I wasn't able to update from my last log to now was because of how bad my fever was. My skin can feel it, like you've just touched a hot pan and are recovering from it.

I have suspicions that I may have ADHD because of my thought processes and emotional reaction to it. It gets so much that I just get tired, sad, and want to sleep. I really do not know what's happening right now but it'll be alright. It has to be because nothing is worse than where I was before.

Yesterday my boyfriend and I walked my dog and I made parmesan chicken with pasta. He made the pasta sauce.

Today was a very weird day. I woke up at 6:00 AM very restless, I started organizing my art and books stuff in order to rid of the boxes they were stored in. Then I found the charged for my speaker so I blasted some ABBA while I did more cleaning.

There was a guy on marketplace whose old DELL CRT 1998 monitor I inquired about, offering 75 bucks. Someone else got it. I got sad then the weird fatigue I usually feel when I try to be productive happens. Like I'm trapped in a foreign place. I slept.

When I woke up for the third time, I played Team Fortress 2 with my friends. The feeling came back so I laid down for a while. My boyfriend arrived home and there was nothing for dinner yet so I freestyled some lasagna by grounding up some chicken and making ragu and pasta sheets. I also fried the other chicken similar to chicken parmesan.

I still have remnants of my sickness, coughing fits are a plenty. I forgot to mention but yesterday I managed to make my keyboard that I bought last year work again by changing the cable. I really thought the problem was something more complex than that but nope, the cable just sucked.

I'd really like to make money soon. My interests and self-maintenance require it.

I find myself looking at my screen, I find myself doing this often. I don't feel much of anything these days. I never think doing anything will equate to any happiness, I'm being cynical, but I think I just don't have any expectations. I don't know how to encourage myself to keep going. I feel as though I've already lived most of my life and there's nothing more.

I've escaped, now what? I'm going to live the life many people have lived and are living. How do I live with no fear? Now that it isn't actively present, my own psyche conjures it—it is it's habitat and it will make any environment adapt to it's will.

With chill,