how to have an identity

ive always felt out of place... like im not being myself... and im not referring as acting like someone else or pretending to be someone youre not... i mean it like, no matter what i do, it doesnt feel like me, as if... i should be doing something else, it feels like, im just doing something, feeling something, acting a certain way because thats normal... but to be honest, who wants to be normal?

little things like nicknames, usernames, they dont feel right to me, they dont feel like me, a style of clothes, makeup not makeup, having certain colors in my bedroom, painting my nails or not, long or short hair... those thing always felt right for like 3 seconds, maybe one day or two. but then they just feel wrong

i've never liked something enough to say its part of me

it feels as if i was stuck inside myself...

maybe wanting to be me its what makes me, me. always pursuing something that will never happen, because i know no matter what, i will never feel like myself...

i dont know what im saying anymore

it doesnt make sense anymore