One year ago, I found love on SpaceHey

January 22nd, 2024.

Exactly one year ago.

Exactly one year ago is when I started dating Ad, after meeting him here on SpaceHey. He had wanted to add me but forgot, and was then met by my friend request to him, which I sent after I saw his cool page. He accepted, and commented on my page that he wanted to be best friends. I doubted we ever would be, because he seemed too normal and like he'd just find me an edgy freak. We started talking and after about a week, he confessed he had a crush on me (apparently he had been hinting before but I was too blind to catch on), and I told him that maybe it's better we not date, as I'm not great dating material. He said he wasn't either. Liking the attention, I succumbed and agreed to try a relationship. I didn't think it would go anywhere. I kind of gave up on the idea of ever finding a good partner, as I'm not exactly easy to be with as a gay man with BPD and no interest in sex, and I've gotten used to being used and betrayed and verbally abused by those I've tried to date and even befriend.

But this time it was different. For the longest time, I didn't know if I was in love at all. I talked to my psychologist about this. I said that I haven't been as obsessed and clingy as I've been with my partners in the past. That I feel I don't need to be, because I feel like Ad won't just leave me. She said that it made sense that I couldn't place the feeling, as this seemed like emotions healthily developing, which is something I hadn't had the luxury of experiencing in the past.

Over time, my worries subdued and my appreciation and adoration for Ad grew stronger. It still feels silly calling him my boyfriend, as if I'm some high school girl, but I do feel like he's my other half. I want to live with him. I wish to die with him.

For our one year anniversary, I made the drawing below. I had wanted to make it for our half year anniversary, but I didn't feel confident enough in my digital art skills to produce it. I didn't want it to look absolutely horrible. I still don't fully love how it turned out, and I might at some point redraw it, but I'm glad I got to share the song and it's lyrics that I based the drawing on with Ad after all this time (I wanted to surprise him with the drawing). Already early on in our relationship, I got reminded of us two whenever I heard Colorado Sunrise by 3OH!3, and that connection never faded. I like listening to it and imagining us watching the sun come up over Colorado. I hope to one day have enough money to take Ad there. It's one of my most important goals in life. Let the sunrise over the Colorado mountains be our Heaven, let the song of birds be our soundtrack.

I love you, my knife. I can't wait for our life's stories to merge into one; a story being breathed into life long after we stop breathing.

I stood at the edge of life, where I met you, and you took my hand and suddenly everything was

sort of