entry #2 ---- im starting to feel unsafe

hello and welcome back to my blog ..... waow im only two entries in and im already writing abt smth serious.. crazy

it is 11:19 pm rn and instead of going to sleep bc i have school tomorrow im being silly on the internet instead!!.. before i say anything: if ur sensitive to things like queerphobia or depression or anxiety or anything like that you dont have to read any further and i hope you have a good rest of your day, but to everyone elseeee.....

trump was inaugurated for the second time yesterday and i am SO FUCJIGN upset abt it and even tho hes barely been in office hes already trying to take away rights from immigrants and queer ppl . i and all of my friends are queer in some way and i am starting to feel vry nervous abt what will happen to me and everyone i care abt.. im afraid that i wont be able to get my name or gender legally changed, im afraid that i wont be able to get on hormones, im worried that im gonna be hate crimed

and this isnt helped by the fact that my dad made some comments to me earlier where he defended the jan 6 rioters by saying that they were actually mostly peaceful protestors and that it was the democrats fault for not being more well prepared for ppl to storm in, and he also defended elon musk (who is a stupid son of a BITCH!!!! AHSJDKJADN) doing the nazi salute and said that it was taken out of context and that hes """socially akward""" ???? my dad is a republican and does not respect my identity at all, he has made vry transphobic comments to me in the past and tried to do a lot of stuff to make me.... ig "change my mind" abt being a girl?? and even tho its gotten better there he hasnt put in any effort to view me as his daughter... he lets me wear makeup and hes fine with me using my name in public but he doesnt let me wear skirts bc i guess thats too far

my mom is better but i feel like she also doesnt respect my identity vry much.... she doesnt call me my name and prob doesnt view me as her daughter even tho she says she will always love me no matter who i am, ive talked to her abt using my name and pronouns and nothing has evr happened and its bc she says she "forgets" and is used to calling me by my dn.. i think the most shes done is she got me a cute necklace that has my name on it and has stuck up for me when my dad was being a dick to me for no reaosn

i feel kinda bad abt sharng all this with random ppl on the internet nstead of talking to either of them abt it and i feel like im hiding things from them and i don wanna do that but ..... idk i js dont think theyd rly get it and im not rly comfortable talking abt this with them, my dad has also never been vry emotional or open or anything like that so i js dont go to him for anything period. ig all im trying to say with this is that i feel a bit trapped atm and i wish none of this was happening, or i wish i lived somewhere else where over half the pipulation doesnt wanna see ppl like me die

im still trying to remain optimistic tho..!! i live in minnesota which i think is one of the more queer-friendly states and also has a lot of laws and stuff in place to protect ppl like me, and i also dont know how much of trumps ideas are actually going to get passed bc his party barely has a majority in government but i hope its as challenging as possible!!!! FUUUCK YOU!!!

its hard to stay positive sometimes tho.. heck even as im sitting here typing all this i can feel myself anxiously shaking and i was thinking earlier that it seems like the state of the world is js getting worse and worse every year.. but idk that could just be my negative side talking i could be wrong >_< im hoping getting some sleep will at least help, it usually does!!!

and hey i can at least say i did some fun stuf today!!! i listened to some good music (check out "free energy" by dummy and "goulash" by f.s. camels!!! cool albums!!!! :DD) and i joined some groups to hopefully make new friends and i made some rigatoni and it was rly tasty and i talked to my friend abt meeting up this weekend and i played my guitar so its not all bad!!

i think im gonna go now.. if ur still here thank you for getting thru my hot mess of a post and i will hopefully be back to posting something more happy tomorrow!! :> to every queer person out there: we have always existed and always will and we will get thru this!!! i promise you!! i wont give up and neither should YOU!!!!

gn my sillies bye byeeeeeeeeee

-sky