just hating

hi,so idk what should I write anymore since the last time i came here. Basically you can just think of it as i lost all my light and now have become trash. I almost forgot i was still logged in here and was so excited on the first day lmao. Like I changed A LOT. Can i just blame it all on everyone around me for today instead of myself? I feel too tired today to complain about "my faults".

I learnt this very late but tbh sometimes its not your fault if things are going shit. People will blame, but trust and sanity, man thats imp. I hate everyone around me. No one can comfort me through how much i regret so many things and how I could have literally been a better person or done those things differently. I might die at this rate due to suffocation but will anyone notice the real reason? That it was their pressure to make me their ideal student, child,sibling,friend or partner? 

I'm not saying that you should forever hate everyone (like i do lmao), but people, it's okay. You can blame others too. I blame and I saw that it feels free and right and gave me more power of understanding the wrong. That ,yes! you can raise your voice too. Anyways i don't know what to do rn anymore so ig i'll just sleep haha. There's no point in writing such bs but who knows it may make me feel better or maybe some else feel better who's going through same shit while reading it.