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where to even start, man.
maybe someday i’ll look back on this and laugh at how overdramatic i’m being, but it really feels like it’s the end of the world for me. i still haven’t told my parents that: i got dropped from a class, i have an INC bc i need to rework my entire paper on the ethics of ai chatbots, and NOW im about to be considered a late registrant because program advisor emailed me FOUR HOURS before the registration deadline.
like, fuck, you couldn’t have contacted me SOONER? oh, i don’t know, maybe right AFTER i locked my enlistment??? and not FOUR HOURS BEFORE THE DEADLINE??????
i don’t even fucking know why i’m freaking out so much right now anyway. it’s not like this matters. none of this fucking matters everything is such bullshit and i just wish someone would put a bullet right between my eyes and end my suffering
my mom still thinks therapy is a scam and my mental illness can be fixed by just “talking to her” okay mom you literally invalidate my feelings when i open up to you, but sure, let’s believe that! i literally don’t know what else to do, she already knows i put barcodes on myself and i already told her (vaguely) im having trouble with my academics but she STILL won’t let me get diagnosed.
do i need to ruin myself even more to get her to accept there’s something wrong with me? i just don’t get it. does she think it’s entirely her fault i’m this way? is she too afraid to admit that she may have a hand in the way i am now? i’m just so tired. i wish i could sleep forever
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FuzzyFox
Hey nyx,
sorry to hear you're feeling so down rn. Is it an option for you to get diagnosed on your own, without your mom present at the doctors? My mom always used to downplay all of my concerns and feelings too even to the point of trusting her 5 senses more than mine. It's been (and still is) a long process to change my mindset to the better but getting there. I've have talked a lot to her about this by now and she at least understands her mistakes more now.
While I didn't go to therapy myself I'm sure you have a good sense of what's best for you :) And while you may not find a solution right now, I'm sure there's some measures you can take right now to not spiral any more or in other areas of life too. I know it's a cliché but it's true: you'll be fine! And if you can believe that it will be the case! I hope you feel a little less alone with this now
Gooooood luck! You got this