> Do you believe in God?

I come from a Christian household, Mormon, to be exact, but to be completely honest, I don't think there was ever a moment where I truly actually believed in god. From age 4 to 13 I was going through the motions, just waiting for the faith to like hit me or whatever, but that never really happened. Science, however, did. Like history and chemistry and life-- that's god. The way molecules interact and particles, how light is a substance, I don't know how to describe it. I don't think its truly possible. But how could you take a single science class, metaphorically dipping a toe into the vast ocean of knowledge, play with and observe the laws of physics, define existence, and not come to the conclusion that you have just experienced god?

Do I believe in a single (or multiple singular) sentient consciousness(es) that created the universe or the things in it? No. In fact, I don't really believe in the concept of souls either. I am really an atheist when it comes down to the technicalities. But I think religion is incredibly valid, and for some, entirely necessary. Human brains physically cannot comprehend the vastness of what we don't know, and religion comforts the uneasiness that those unknowns cause. 

Like death? It's a one way trip that nobody can ever remember or communicate to anyone else. Eventually everyone will experience it, but until then, life is all we know-- all we can know. Well what if when we die, we don't cease to exist? What if there's another life waiting for us? The thought of an afterlife is comforting to a lot of people, and when it comes down to it, whatever gets you through the day, man. But me personally? I could never suspend my disbelief enough to think that there's more to my self than my neurons. But I prefer it that way.

When I die. Not if. when. Death's the only thing that is truly predetermined, and that's the most comforting part about life. And when it does happen, my atoms will be recycled. The air in my lungs will be breathed by my living human kin, as I had breathed my dead kin's last breaths before, the dead skin I leave behind as dust will circulate, parts of my body down to the atom will be used to make up other things, organisms, materials. And in that way I am both a microscopic speck and everything at the same time. In fact, we all are. I guess in that way, I do believe in life after death, reincarnation, whatever you want to call it. Faith is hope, and seeing is believing. I don't know nearly enough and I never will, but I experience existence, I can see data, I can feel my senses, I see nature and life and death and in the end that is god to me. That is the god I believe in. And I am part of that, I'm part of life, I'll be part of death. A million cells in my body die every second, yours, too. We are god. 

I do still find supernatural deities to be interesting, though. And useful to myself even if I don't believe in them as real sentient beings. Deities and gods can be scapegoats, they can be hope itself, and they can be strength when we can't blame, hope, or find strength in ourselves-- or at least when we don't think we can. I'm sure we would all prefer to be able to do everything ourselves, but we are a social species, and we are still dependent on each other no matter how hard we try to exclude others or self isolate. So what do we do when we can't get help from other people? Well we create. We create symbols and placebo our way out of shit, and that's genuinely so fascinating. It's amazing and it's powerful. Mind can't always win over matter, but it wins a lot. The effects of praying to a symbol or enchanting with an idol's power can be extremely potent simply because you will it to happen/believe. Its the same reason why when you start dating someone you start to see their name everywhere; if you're looking, you'll find it; If you believe you will be granted the power to do something, you'll find that power to do it. 

So no I don't believe in pantheons or creators or souls, but I think I finally found religion and I think I finally found god. I worship life and death in my art, replicate its circle every day in my actions. I think about it, keep the reaper in the back of my mind like a mother, assuring me that one day my unquenchable curiosity will be quenched, but to enjoy that thirst until then. The scientific process is my prayer and revelation, bibles scattered around me both on the physical and digital planes, and my mind is my church. 

But what's so cool about people is that no two brains and bodies will ever be exactly the same, and what I see could be completely different from what you see. So what about you? What hugs your soul at night until you fall asleep? How do you worship? and who? What do they represent? What do you believe in and what do you pray for? I'd love to hear about your gods and afterlifes in the comments, if anyone reads this at all lol. 

cya! B^)

(also don't mind the layout ToT I'll fix it someday)