help I have no idea how to customize my profile

chat this isn't even funny is there a megapost or one fat tutorial or anything on just all the basic customization things like how to use things from layouts on your profile?? like:

- adding stampies/blinkies

- adding custom background music

- how to change pictures in layouts

- how to change colors in layouts

- how to change the size of things

- how to use those cool elements in layouts like the spinning CDs or the loading screens or userbars PLS

you get the rest someone please please please help a fella out