TIKTOK IS BANNED (im gonna rant like crazy)

wow. i don't even know where to begin. yes there are alternatives, im on the little redbook app and to stay in tune with some of the tiktok community i have joined a discord and even a reddit community. one of the reasons why i'm angered is because of how easy it was to communicate with one another plus all the things you could educate yourself on tiktok. like yes, we know our government is shitty, but through that app i discovered more than i ever woulda known if i was just on instagram per say.

anyways, besides my anger and frustration and how even tho there's a possibility of it coming back with trump coming into office, i think it's all whack. i have a suspicion that tiktok will be bought out, and in that case, im gone. but again, besides all that i feel, im also just very sad.

back in 2018 i used to watch a lot of tiktok compilations, on youtube ofc. and at the time it was almost just shameful to have the app. during that time, like most of my life i was going through some hardships, yeah i was only like 11-12 but it was such a hurtful time. i decided to eventually cave in and download the app. whenever i was hanging out with other people i would delete it just so they didnt see tiktok installed on my phone, talk about dramatic.. but it served as one of my greatest distractions from the world and the life that i lived. i found myself living through other people as an observer. i just watched, and engaged, never did i dare to post, at least not until sophmore year of high school. but i just watched, and a lot of what i watched was inspiring, and it made me feel like i was apart of something.

middle school, i had a lot of eyes on me, but they were extremeley judgmental eyes, hosted by some who would even take advantage of me. there were a lot of people like that. but when i was on tiktok i had a place that felt like a judge free zone, my eyes caught onto things that i realized i liked, and maybe one day would want to do. tho i never had the guts to do them, not the songs, the dances, the trends, nothing. im not sure yet if i regret that. 

seven years. 

i actually felt like i was apart of something. there was a short period of time where i "wasn't allowed" to have the app by my partner at the time because it was "too cringe" i also wasnt allowed to be a certain way or say certain things, or even post certain things (memes btw), because it was considered cringe to them. which seems off topic, but the lack of this app, knowing i don't have access to it, reminds me a lot of that time. eventually my friend made me stick up for myself, thank god, but ofc it didn't end there. and though the mess didn't end there, tiktok was still there for me to cope (cringe, i know)

honestly, i didn't get the whole lack of attention span thing, my attention span is the same as it has always been, but maybe thats just me, anyone else feel that way??

it's currently 12 am and im a bit anxious to see how the world will turn out, lmk if u made it this far, lol, kinda doubt it tho XD