pretty ?

i think i'm pretty. i think i'm very pretty. other people call me pretty; they say it like it's obvious. i think i'm very pretty. but overall, it's all objective ! i'm eastern european; i have a larger nose and my lips are thin, but they kinda remind me of a renaissance painting. i think looking @ beauty through a westernised standpoint is wrong - and it was that spite that that made me believe i was pretty. 2 years ago, i wanted to kill myself. i wanted 2 die bcuz i never thought i'd be happy with how i looked @ that meant they was no point in living a life where that urge to be beautiful - to be a piece of art myself :p - could exist. but now i find myself beautiful. so beautiful, in fact. so what's  the truth ? am i pretty ? am i so ugly i should die ? i don't think anyone's quality of life should depend on their appearance, bcuz thats's dumb !! that's actually 'ad hominem' (as i learnt ;) ). but then again; i think it rlly goes to show. i think i'm pretty, but why am i pretty ? why was i lucky to be born in a stereotypically 'pretty' body ? my friend told me not 2 ruminate on it, and maybe he's right :P, but i can't help but feel guilty - so many people feel like they're not good enough - so why do i feel .. good enough ? it doesn't seem fair, right ? but it's the truth ! i think i'm so pretty; if u told me i'm ugly, i'd still think i'm pretty ! but why me ? it's all subjective, ultimately. i used to think i was the ugliest person in the world (i used 2 have BDD, body dysmorphic disorder (っ- ‸ - ς ) and back then i thought i was so ugly i couldn't even be placed on a human 'beauty; list. i thought i was so ugly that i was beyond that - i existed on a completely separate list ... nowadays, maybe, i think i've gone 2 far :P. i think maybe i'm a narcissist ? i will admit - i am happy i can actually LOOk at myself in the mirror without falling into suicidal thoughts, but i don't want 2 think i'm better than someone else bcuz i think i look 'better' than them !!! gosh.. it's one extreme 2 the next, isn't it ? ? ๐·°(⋟﹏⋞)°·๐