what is there 4 me ?? but frivolous joy !!

2 drunk right now to think. my stomach  churns like i'm about to vomit. but, fuck it ! isn't this the time 2 be the most honest ? i'm a deadbeat. complete and utter deadbeat. a former academic weapon but now reduced to mental illness and crumbling away in front of these students :P but do i care ? maybe ... ? all i want is to drift away in my daydreams, and think about the things i love and the better version of me that wasn't so mentally fucked up (aka - the version of me my parents are GENUINELY proud of >~< ) !!1 i made this account to be so honestly FUCKED UP !1 i didn't tell any of my irls 'bout this ... so i i have the freedom to be earnest and messed up and slutty and 'cringe' and whoever will stay .. will stay ! and i'm happy with that ~ i'm 2 sojus deep right now and my stomach still churns !! (im a light-weight .. (·•᷄‎ࡇ•᷅ ) ) last time i stole my parent's cigarettes but i checked and there was none 2 steal :((( not that it matters .. i just turned 18 and i can buy some for myself !!! ദ്ദി๑>؂•̀๑) if u read this far .. let's have fun ! let's text, let's flirt, let's sext (if ur 18+, obvi) i just wanna have fun, man ! this life is so boring as is it .... will u ... make it fun 4 me~ ;P ?