Feeling Funky

Yo!

I feel the need to write this message just so I can get all the mumbily jumbily out of my skull and be more steel headed / focused on my work. The basic premise is, my ex just unfollowed everything of mine on Spotify (Profile, Playlists, etc.). I feel like if this were to happen a couple months ago... or maybe I'm being too generous and even a couple of weeks ago, I'd probably be a devastated anxious mess. Lord knows why- I doubt that boy has a single care for me honestly... its kind of sad how still attached to him I feel. Thankfully though I've been having severe 'gay panic attacks' when seeing other people, which kind of shows to me that I'm healing... and getting to a better spot in life where maybe, suicide isn't the option. Its taken me a little to half a year, but I finally feel like I understand and have friends, I have a purpose for the first time in a while, and finally... I'm starting to feel attraction to others again. Now the problem is just, hoping pretty people find me prettY- I kind of have this hard set rule in my mind that I'm not allowed to approach or interact with anyone to start anything for some god unknown reason. So- I'm just kind of hoping that maybe someone will start talking to me and things will go from there! I dunno- call me a hopeless romantic if you will, but, I think for once I kind of enjoy romanticizing everything in my life. It no longer feels like a despair inducing activity, and more something that allows me to know the innate value of everything around me. I guess until I find my future partner, I'll just keep enjoying nature, dissociating to clouds, and stargazing! Honestly... doesn't sound like too bad of a life to me. I kind of wish I could do it with someone else but... I'm sure with due time it'll come. Surely, one day! 

However, I must get back to my schoolwork as I'm completely swamped... until next time my friends.
Arrivederci. 

(Random image courtesy of google)