sweet 16 and im descending into madness

yesterday was my birthday1! nd hanayo koizumis!

society disgusts me so much! i dont get why i cant fit in and why my brain is so so stupid\! in a way that i believe that the others hate me because theyre the stupid ones !! what am i even writing

genuinenly though like conforming to society just in general is so stupid and i really dont get it... its almost fascinating how all most people have to do is dress look and act a certain way and everyone loves them but no matter how basic my makeup looks, how basic i present myself IN GENERAL i can never fit in or look pretty or be liked by everyone oh my god my whole body hurts with dread i cant even look at myself anymore i want to die

this time last year i was filled with hope that i will not stick out finally and someone will be nice to me  since i changed my style and makeup but now it feels like instead of going to school to study im going there as a self torture method my grades are declining and i cant even finish any of my work at home because im too tired and also because looking at my school work makes me sick