introspection blog #4

17/01/2025

i've been thinking a lot about why i am the way i am. like, why do i feel this constant need to share so much about myself? it’s like i want people to know me, my thoughts, my day, what i’m feeling. i used to post a lot on my public tiktok account, but now i hold back because classmates started stalking it, and it just feels... uncomfortable. but even outside of that, i’ve always felt this urge to tell people things, share pictures, send updates about my life. i think i just like to talk. or maybe it’s more than that.

i’ve noticed i’m better at talking online than in real life. like, online, i can say what’s on my mind without getting as nervous. but then i overdo it. i spam my friends with messages and updates, and when they don’t reply, i feel upset. and then i feel selfish for expecting them to respond. it’s this cycle i hate, but i can’t seem to stop.

sometimes i catch myself wondering if i’m just an attention-seeker. like, is that why i share so much? but then i start thinking, why do i need that attention in the first place? does it have something to do with my personality? am i naturally like this? or is there something in my past that makes me this way? i don’t know.

maybe i overshare because i want to feel seen or understood. maybe it’s my way of connecting with people, of saying, “this is who i am, do you get it?” but sometimes it feels like too much. like i’m too much. i don’t want to feel like i need other people to validate me, but sometimes i do. and i think that’s where this all comes from. it’s not just about talking or sharing, it’s about wanting to feel like i matter.