Intersection of "nerds" and alternative subcultures pt.1

I grew up idolizing the scene/emo/hipsters of the late 2000s - early 2010s and I always noticed they usually also fell into the category of "nerds". I was a nerdy kid, my interests were nerdy, I dressed dorky, I didn't have a lot of friends and the ones I did have were the same as me. I grew up with a very alternative mom though, like she had me listen to three cheers when I was 7, so I have always LOVED them. When I was 11/12 I began to really dive deep into alternative subcultures. I was obviously too young to be a famous scene kid or anything like that, so I just continued being a nerdy dweeb who dabbled in emo fashion. 

This has continued well into my adulthood, but I have never felt like I have fully belonged in any specific "alt" subculture. I would call myself emo and goth and scene but none of it ever felt right; I know I am some sort of alternative, but it has never been specified in my brain. I continued to be a nerd with the fashion of an alternative person. I sometimes would try and outrun my interests in favor of fitting in and being alt the "right" way (not a thing), but it never worked and I never felt true to myself so I would always revert back to being an alt nerd.

When I was 21 I started getting really into Ben Folds/Ben Folds Five. He has a song called "Underground" on Ben Folds Five self titled album. I love this song, I love Ben Folds, he's a nerd, I'm a nerd, we are all nerds. But when I started reading into the song more I was like "Oh my god this answers literally every question I have had about myself and being in any sort of subculture!". The beginning starts off with "I was never cool in school" and ends with "but I'd love to mix in circles, cliques, and social coteries" and I have never heard something describe me and others so well.

I started looking into this phenomena of nerdy people latching onto alternative subcultures more. There are not a lot of examples I can pull up but there are a few. In SLC Punk, released in 1998 staring Matthew Lillard, there is a character named Mike. He's just like all the characters, he goes to punk shows, he's into the subculture, he's dedicated to what the music is saying; but he is different. He is different even compared to the traditionally "different" people and he's described as not a "poser" at all because of this. He does what he wants, what he thinks is comfortable, and he is highly regarded by the others for being his true self which is...a nerd. 

I have a lot more to say about this but I think I will end it here. If you read all of this, thank you. It's been something I've been wanting to talk about for far too long and I think this is a good opportunity for me to do so here because there is a lottt less pressure. I will continue this another day, whether people read it or not, because I need to get it out of my brain. Thank you!! <3