Healthy Ways to Interact with Beliefs that are Unfamiliar to You

TL:DR; Try to be curious, and don't flinch when you hear something you think is strange or backwards. Keep in the front of your mind that wisdom can come from anywhere, and so can hatred. Allow yourself to make judgments only after you feel you have heard everything, and had time to understand it. Then respond with compassion.

1/17/25

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The world is a big place with billions of animals­ on it called 'Humans'. Each of these humans has something called a 'World View', which is how that person has learned to interpret the earth and its cultures from the vantage point of their 'Perspective'.

All of this to say; Nobody thinks the same thoughts. No single person has the same belief structures. Everyone reaches their beliefs by taking different paths.

That means you yourself have a unique 'World View'. You may share generalized beliefs with billions of people, like, "I think that genocide is bad!" But you - most likely - came to that belief in a much different way than a Muslim in Palestine who experienced it first-hand, or a Native American still feeling the echoing pains of what was done to their people.

It is your responsibility, as a person with a brain (what a high bar!), to engage with new ideas in a way that doesn't outright deflect them, because they are always going to come from a perspective you haven't, or even can, experience.

What does that look like?

It looks like hearing someone you are becoming friends with say, maybe inconspicuously, "China isn't as bad as America makes it out to be, it has a lot of good," or "Why don't Africans just move their villages closer to the water, it's stupid!" or "Poor people are just stupid and lazy, they need to get a job," or even "Eat the rich."

I am almost sure that you had a reaction to one of those. Let's approach that feeling with a step-by-step dissection.

1.) See if you can link the unfamiliar with the familiar. If you can't, wait until you hear something that you can. If that fails, ask questions.

Before immediately dismissing something someone said because it is so radically opposed to your beliefs, look inwardly and see if you have any insight into it directly, or share a belief that can be associated with it.

Example: 

You hear, "I don't think there is 'one true god', I think we make our own gods, and live by whatever beliefs we construct for ourselves."

If you come from a religious background, you stopped listening after the first comma. This directly opposes your belief system, whichever it may be, and if you were to make agreements with it you would be sacrificing your spiritual standards, and maybe even your soul. 

You fundamentally cannot agree with it, at least so long as your religious beliefs are set the way they are. But what you can do is build a bridge of understanding. You can reason that you should do this because, stemming from your own religious involvement, you want to be in a community based on love and understanding with others. That is a value you hold because of your religious beliefs, and this is the time to put it into practice. (If you don't agree with that, you should spend some time reflecting on how your religion serves you and others, and practice exactly what im talking about right now in step 1).

In relation to the 1.) step, you haven't heard anything you can agree with. But you can wait until they say something that you do share common ground with, or ask them questions that dive deeper into their belief so that you might find that ground, like, "I personally believe there is a God, and i've never thought otherwise. Did you also believe there was a God before you thought this way?" or "I have fears about a world without a God, do you?"

Even in situations where two people by definition cannot agree with each other, they can still both benefit from the conversation. It's not about being right - very rarely, if ever, can people be provably right about complex belief structures they prescribe to - but we can always learn about each other, and expand our world view through conversation.

A resolution to this example conversation may be that both people have a deeper understanding about each others perspective. You are made aware of some doubts that you didn't have before and now have to approach, and they see some unfamiliar beauty in your faith they didn't notice before. Nobody has completely changed, but both people have grown.

2.) Realize if a viewpoint is coming from a place of hate or love, and approach the conversation accordingly.

If someone is speaking on something they are passionate about, and are even very educated and convincing on, you should reflect on if what they are saying is coming from a place of hate. Hate is a tool like any other feeling, and can be completely legitimate, rational, and reasonable. If you ascertain it is or isn't all of those three things, it's up to you to discern how to approach it.

Example:

"The Chinese are a threat to the world!" or "Palestinians are all terrorists!" or, "Black people are stupid and lazy!", "Women shouldn't get abortions!", are all politically charged beliefs. These examples are very obviously coming from a place of hate, and in these situations you can decide to ask what made them think that way, or what could the group they dislike do to change their mind. These may feel like weak, maybe even submissive options. They are. Engaging with someone who's beliefs are driven by hate usually leaves very little room for building a bridge of communication. If you want to continue engaging with someone in this mindset, you will need to take a more subtle, developed approach that will not trigger them to accuse you of also being the thing they hate, or being someon who has been duped into sympathizing with it.

Letting them speak by asking these kinds of questions usually lets them 'get it out of their system'. Brace yourself, because they could say something very disconcerting. But realize their minds are clouded with this hatred, and you will deffinitely take away less from the conversation than they will, and that's okay. 

A strong voice of compassion is typically all that is needed to deconstruct someones hateful world view, and you just need the patience to understand why they believe what they do, and to show them how to approach the same belief but from a kinder perspective. Facts definitely help - particullarly historical facts that you can use to explain the present situations surrounding the groups of people or belief structures they hate so much - but someone deeply rooted in hate could ignore the fact of gravity if they wanted to. That's just how hate works.

An example of providing facts to argue against factually-based hateful belief structures, is to recognize that hate may be backed by facts but the data used to represent it is nearly always skewed. Such as the earlier statement, with a new fact added to it, "Black people are stupid and lazy! They even get worse grade in school!". It's true that African Americans perform worse in school than their white counterparts. But it isn't because they are "all stupid". You know that to be black in america means there is a constant struggle to meet white expectations, while simultaneously being suppresed or underserved by white-managed systems; They are expected to swim while having weights tied to them.

You could respond with, "I understand that African Americans generally underperform in the American education system because they do not get the same level of support as their white counterpart; It's very difficult to perform well when you know you aren't as valued as other people at other schools, and that something bigger than yourself is constantly working to make sure others succeed, leaving you to fail; Whether it be economically, culturally, or financially. You're right, they do perform worse than white students in schools, but I don't think you understand why. Can you blame them for feeling defeated and giving up, when to them the uphill battle is so steep because they don't get access to the same education system that white people do? It would think it makes them feel abandoned by the country they live in, and that there is no point in working that hard because they will continue to be discriminated against after they graduate." This explains that yes, they were told a fact that is true and you agree with it, but that there is more to the fact itself. There is context, and the context creates understanding and compassion towards the people they earlier cast stones at.

Another example would be, in realation to the example statement about the Chinese, "To what I've come to understand, the Chinese people are more or less like us. It's our governments that are opposed and fight each other. We are all just regular people who live under powerful governments that both do bad things. I know about people and politicians from our own country who have done similar things to what the Chinese Government has done, so why would American Citizens and Chinese Citizens hate each other if it is both our governments that are threats to the world?" 

Since you have waited and listened, or asked questions, it is now up to you to make the common ground. You must find and communicate the likenesses, and make dehumanized things become familiar to them. Once people are on common ground, it is very difficult for anyone to get off of it.

3.) Recognize when the person you are talking to is actually talking at you.

Some people are not in the head-space you are. They aren't talking with you to create understanding, they are parroting things they've heard off of Fox News or from their grandfather from rural Alabama.

They may be quiet when you are talking, but they are not 'listening'. They are not putting in the effort to internalize and understand what you are communicating. You can realize this when they repeat points over and over again, fail to back up wild claims or go on to make increasingly wilder claims, or rudely interject when you are speaking. A raised voice is perhaps the largest hint.

To them this is a coliseum instead of a forum, and they intend to beat you.

Once this kind of environment has been achieved, it really is best if you just tell them you aren't interested in speaking with them, and leave.

Example:

"I don't think you are making the same effort to understand me as I am you. I am going to leave now."

"You are being too hateful and rude to even speak with right now, the only thing I want to do is leave."

"I just can't talk with you while you are trying to get me to hate other people."

Decent examples, but you will most likely have to come up with your own on in the moment.

Hope this was insightful to someone. Good luck in the real world.