Why me? Why is always me

Why do I feel like this? I’ve been feeling like this for so long, I’m so tired of it, I wish I could just disappear, I have no one by my side, no one to call friend, to call a lover. When I look in the mirror everything gets worse, I feel so bad, this isn’t my body, I feel like there’s things that shouldn’t be there, I feel like this isn’t my skin, it’s not what I want to see, it’s never been, I don’t wanna be like this I just wanna b a normal boy, my family treat me like a girl but they think of me like a boy, in school they treat me like a boy but think of me like a girl. I don’t wanna be me, I know it makes no sense but I don’t wanna b me, I know there’s people that care about me, that consider me as a friend, people that wants to help me, and even that way, I feel completely and absolutely lonely, I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about how I feel, they’ll judge me, no one can help me, I’ve been feeling like this for a very long time and I wish this feeling of sadness and loneliness went away. 

I feel like there’s something that was meant to be wrong with me, something that won’t go away, something that will never change, no matter how much I scratch or cry, it will never go away.

I’m scared, I’m scared of killing myself, I’m scared of doing something dumb, I’m scared of talking, I’m scared of telling people how I feel.

I’m scared, but I wish I could sleep a few minutes more.