Reflections for 2024

First blog of 2025! (and ever haha so nervewracking >.<)

     I wanted to go into this new year with a new outlook on life, my experiences, and everything inbetween, so i wanted to reflect on 2024 as a whole to kick off the new year, and set a more positive tone for 2025!

1. My Biggest Personal Change Over the Last Year

     This past year was a ROUGH one for sure, but i gained so many invaluable experiences, and learned so many lessons that it was definitely hard to decide which was my biggest change. However in doing so, i believe that learning the ability to stand up for myself was a huge accomplishment.

     I have always been one to let people overstep boundaries, give up my morals and values for the ones i care about, and go lengths any normal person would not go for people who are definitely not worthy of it. But last year i decided i had enough and i was going to start making some changes and it was one of the best decisions ive ever made. People who do nothing but suck your energy away, drain your wallet, and just use you when its convenient for them are not friends. They are taking advantage of your kindness and ability to see everyone in a positive light for their own satisfaction. 

     Since cutting off toxic friends (and even my boyfriend of almost a year!), I have never felt more relieved in my life. Im not constantly getting blown off, lied to, and manipulated, and it honestly feels refreshing! 

2. The Best thing from last year? 

     Saying my current boyfriend would be the eaiser answer to this question, but i dont want to take the easy way out. One of the best things i did last year was reconnecting with my mom. I have been estranged from her for two years, and finally had the courage to sit down and have a talk with her one on one. While we have a LOT of work to go, and that conversation wasnt without tears or fighting, it was one of the most eye opening and longest conversations weve had over the past 7 years. I am learning to give forgiveness to my mom and remember that she is a person too, and its also her first time living life. 

     My mom will never be perfect, far from it actually, and neither will i be. Were just floating on this rock in space and trying to figure out how to live life. And i think thats such a beautiful concept.

3. The Worst thing from last year?

     One of the worst things from last year was i succumbed to a heavy drinking issue. From the stress and chaos from life i decided that turning to alcohol was my only way out, to escape my problems. And unfortunately it was a pretty bad decision and you could guess. I did a good job of hiding it from my friends and not let it interfere with my life, but just as all things do, it slowly bled into my personal and social life like a disease. I adopted a "People only like me when im drunk" mentality, and sure it was true for random people i met online, but extremely damaging for my longstanding relationships with my friends.

     I became a shell of who i once was and it was taking a toll on my body and mind. Drinking only feels great when youre drunk, and i made such horrible decisions. I lashed out at those i loved, and became an entirely new person, i didnt even recognize myself. I was extremely hurtful to those around me and one day when my boyfriend sat me down i finally had an epiphany that i was hurting other people by my actions. That day i stopped drinking and decided to put my time (and money) into more useful things. 

     Although i cant say ive been alcohol free, it is definitely more enjoyable when youre getting tipsy with friends on an occasional saturday, than blacking out after hitting your head on the wall trying to do some stupid trick for random people every night. 

4. 2024 As a Whole

     Coming to a close with my last and final reflection, i wanted to talk about the year as a whole instead of specifics. 2024 was definitely a challenging year for me, as it probably was for most, but the outlook ive gained on life because of it is invaluabe. Instead of wasting away in the monotany of day to day life, i started to add new and exciting things to my weeks, turning me into a more productive and all around happier person. Is that the magical fix? No, absolutely not. I still have many issues i deal with and are still dealing with, BUT. It has added more quality to my life and keeps me from rotting in bed. 

     I am so thankful for everyone who has taken the time out of their day to read my ramblings! Since this is my first blog it is VERY disorganized but im hoping to get more confident in my writing as time goes on! 
     In the coming posts, i am wanting to start a "Big Sister" Type of Blog, Where i give advice, talk about random topics, and is more formatted just like your everyday facetime call with me! I already have some topics in mind, but if you have any specific quesitons, topics, and everything inbetween let me know! Id love to hear what youd like to read about and am more than happy to write for you guys!