What I've learned on the internet in 2024...

Wow! What a way for me to introduce myself on this site. Not through an introductory post or through joining groups or forums but simply by putting my most authentic thoughts out into the ether of the internet. Which is essentially what this whole post is gonna be about lol (If you really wanna get to know me just look at my page or my Tumblr, it's all said and done there)

Back to it though! 

2024 was a very interesting year for me, it all together felt too fast, overwhelming, and back-to-back with chaos. Even more interesting than the anxiety-fueled haze we all seem to experience year after year though is that I found more personal growth throughout 2024 than I had initially thought I would and a LARGE part of that journey was helped by way of the internet, y'know a place that at the worst of times can absolutely destroy your soul and yet we can't live without it (As I'm sure many of you have experienced, I'm no stranger to it either) 

Of course, a majority of the work of self-discovery & growth is done within the mental & emotional spaces of the self so I can't credit the internet to the entirety of that journey. What I will say is that rewiring your brain and using your online spaces to facilitate change that you want to see within yourself can be very useful. In a very real sense, it can be like a form of self-gaslighting or affirmations wherein you surround yourself with what you are trying to achieve while also slowly erasing the doubt or envy that may erupt as you surround yourself with things far beyond your range (for now). A big part of this also is recognizing faults & flaws, if you cannot see what actions you are doing that are harmful to yourself, you simply will not grow into a healthier, more whole, more peaceful version of yourself. That is the groundwork, it is the foundational understanding you must have to cultivate positive change.

Now, what were the main thoughts & beliefs that I had to actively change or reframe throughout the year? There were a ton & honestly...there is no way in hell that there will ever stop being even minor things I want to improve on BUT the 2 main ones in 2024 were:

1. Allowing numbers online to dictate my emotional/mental state

2. Embracing "To be cringe is to be free" (aka. Be 100% yourself without fear of judgment)

At surface level, these things don't have any connection but if you've been on the internet and have fallen victim to the numbers game of popularity you can TOTALLY see where a "fear of judgment" can be skewed to mean "0 online interactions", turning the "judgment" into "the internet or your audiences disregard for what you've posted/created". So these 2 things went hand in hand when it came to allowing myself to be authentic & true online (something I have craved but for fear of losing traction/friends online have suppressed) and thus growing as a person & having a much better concept of myself & my worth. 

I can't give you a rundown of "hows, whys, & wheres" when it comes to the journey of accepting yourself & freeing yourself from the weird f*cked-up pressures of the internet as that's your own journey to push through but I can tell you what my journey has boiled down to. And that is that over-performing & exhausting yourself to cater to an audience that you tie your worth to because you feel like you need an "in" or you need to "serve" what they want is not only fruitless (unless it's your job) but also crushes the integrity of your persona/online experience. Once you stop having fun and every post you make starts feeling like a requirement to keep up appearances with "friends or mutuals" you can no longer say that you are doing something purely for yourself, can you? In some way, you have begun to curate your creations (your posts online) not in an attempt to find yourself or show your true self and find like-minded people but to entertain people who may not even care. 

So do away with the cares of post statistics and likes/views! Start curating your online experience to reflect who you are and who you want to be! Not only in what you intake but also in what you post and outwardly express to your audience/friends/followers. Erase this fear of nothing, of getting 0 anything. Ultimately, if you speak your true voice, let your opinions & perspectives be known, and be yourself through & through, maybe...maybe one day someone out there in the void of the internet will bump into the space rock that is you online & relate or even love what you have to say. Even if it's 1 person, think about how they might feel less alone due to your silly ramblings or your weird quirks. It is never a fruitless endeavor to be yourself or find yourself, 100% of the time someone out there can relate to you, they just haven't found you yet. Even the weird messed-up parts you think no one wants to see or that people demonize, someone can probably relate to it. They may not say it in anything more than a "like" or "favorite" but it matters all the same. 

Also, in the same breath, I would say that a little tip in finding you/your style/your aesthetic MARIE KONDO UR MIND BISH! The styles, aesthetics, cores, fandoms, music, ALL OF IT...well 1) diversify ur media intake (that's a blog post for another day) but 2! What doesn't spark joy TOSS IT! Try things, no matter how "cringe" it may be perceived if you even have a little interest in it. Document all of it online if you want! Even ur small steps of finding some jeans that you really like can mean a whole lot to someone who has never come across that style of jeans man. It all means everything to someone out there eventually.

Anyway, that's what I learned, my big 2024 lesson that has allowed me to dispel a lot of my anxiety about being myself online and do away with all the performative aspects of my online presence. This took way too long to write...and ngl it feels like just another scream into the void but hey! Maybe one of you will read this and think I'm semi-cool and that's pretty alright with me.