.𖥔 ݁ ˖ 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥 ⋆⋆⋆

What does it mean... To be a good person? I certainly am not one, definitely... From the incipient of my birth I am nothing but a disgrace. I've given my mother nothing but worry and frustration. I fail at everything; my academics, my social life, my own hobbies... Nothing feels the same anymore. On my very own birthday, I always witness my own parents argue... Maybe that's my fault; to be born. This phone... Is my escapism. My imagination is the world I live in... To reside in. Life goes on like a daydream; time repeats itself around me, nothing seems to change... 

I wish I could end this pain... The pain of being the reason my mother gets frustrated and cries. I want to end this sorrow... To think I break all's expectations... I'm truly nothing but a melted candle... That spark I once had; perfect at everything... It will never return.

Perhaps this is a sign to end things, I've always thought of dying; I made it this far... Do I still want to climb up the sharp rocks on his bumpy mountain? I always think, that... At one point in my life, I was the reason someone smiled today... I helped the once self-hated and insecure girl to become confident in herself and for the others around her, always crediting back to my name... I made two friends... But how long can this happiness last..?

I feel nothing on the inside... Will I even make it to 18... It's a question mark, my life seems to be a cold, shuddering mist... I'm scared what hole or rock I'd trip over or fall into... But I don't want to give the pain away to the ones that genuinely affection for me... They make me feel happy... I don't want their efforts to go in vain, but how much can I hold one..? A rope snaps and rips off eventually and let's the weight go...