250113 20:21

fuck this stupid baka life. sorry. do i have anything good to say. no. uuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. been getting hallucinations about my ex and im not even on drugs. there was this one time i thought he was actually outside of my window and it was genuinely freaking me out so bad i couldnt stop crying. i thought he was going to break in. i hate it here.

whats new. NOTHING. my friend has been doing drugs all week. im worried about her and i miss her. i dont want her to go back to her shitty ex who practically ignored her. my habits are slipping away from me. i wonder if i have adhd sometimes because every time i struggle with something and i search it up AND THE ADHD SUBREDDIT HAS THE SAME PROBLEM. adderall also does wonders for me. im tired of manually solving every task in my brain. i cant even pavlov myself because i forget to put the fucking treats in place. ive been doing SHIT at school. everything is boring and my friends probably talk shit about how weird i am behind my back. they probably dont even fucking like me. is that why none of them seem to give a shit about what i say. but i cant voice my concerns because im the chill friend who has no problem with anything. im the one who listens. people are so fucking bad at listening i hate everyone. there is always some other friend who is doing worse so if i try to talk about my issue its just me attention seeking. im so drained and tired. everything hurts. I WANT DRUGS BUT I DONT WANNA DEAL WITH SEEING WORSE THINGS. i keep forgetting to do what i want to do. its like everyone hates me. i dont even want to be here. ive been picking at my lips too much and it hurts. thinking about unblocking my ex and asking him if he wants to play lethal company. its fine if he's transphobic guys.

why do i have no self respect whatsoever