MTV'S Downtown+ First Day Of My Second Semester Of Uni+extra yap

Hey chat, so today I finished  "MTV's Downtown", and I have to say I loved it a lot. The characters felt real to me. The plot was really simple, but it was engaging. There was no episode that I felt like kinda dragged along and was boring. This is important because I run into a lot of shows and just end up dropping it. MTV Downtown gets a 10/10 for me. Maybe I'm glazing. The rest of my review will contain spoilers you have been warned. 
  My favorite character definitely had to be Serena and it's really close because I like them all. Although Serena is really pretty, her style is captivating even when she dressed "normal". I understood her character. From what I gathered after completing the story, Serna dresses the way she does because she felt like an outcast and it is reflected in her wardrobe and she finds company in a scene where everyone is considered an outcast. However, I also think she enjoys dressing in all black, but there was definitely a push from social challenges. I'm also under the belief that is the reason she dated men who weren't so great is because they were the ones who gave her the attention she desired. She is really just a cool gal lowk. I also want to talk about Alex. Alex is maybe my second favorite I found him real not relatable. When looking at Alex's character you can obviously tell that he is an incel. I'm glad he didn't end up with Serena because he literally doesn't deserve her. He spent the whole show falling in love with the fantasy version of her and when he finally got the actual woman instead of this made-up version in his head he lost interest because she wanted to be herself(also it is completely possible Serena only saw him as a friend the whole time). That makes me so upset because when she would speak to him she would have this great impression of him just for him to see her just like the other guys. I still think he's an interesting character and has redeeming qualities. Also, I love Chaka. 

  Anyway, I just started my second semester of uni and I have to say it was pretty okay. I was anxious because of the seating arrangements I wondered if I would have to sit next to people. I did, but that's alright. The people I sit next to I'm familiar with but I'd much rather sit by myself. I know I'm in university and I can sit anywhere I want but usually, when people sit somewhere they just stay there the whole semester.  I think school is going to be easy but it is just the social part that gets me. I'm not socially inept, but I feel like I do a good job at it. I just have a nagging self-doubt that I'm unlikeable. 

Every time I have an issue about things that are mentally wrong with myself I get too scared to really say anything because I don't want to sound like a pick me. For example saying "Omg I feel so ugly", "I feel so fat", or  "I feel like I can't make any friends". Those are real things I struggle with but I think it's better to keep them to myself. I think I need to work on my self-esteem. I want to be more confident in myself. I'm going to mention my ex-girlfriend not in I'm talking about her because that's what my page is about kinda way or I'm speaking to her kinda way(in case she decides to read this) but in a what I'm thinking kinda way. Us being really close after the breakup gives me hope that after a long time, we could get back together when we are both in a better place, but the other part of me is scared she's going to move on and find someone new. I think that would absolutely shatter my heart. However, that wouldn't affect my love for her. I support her in any which way. But tbh she won't find nobody as cool as me💔. womp womp for her lowk. I think I'm going to stay away from home for a while because... well I don't have any real reason other than my spirits are low. Okay, the last thing on my mind before I shower and kinda check out for the night mentally is Valentine's Day. I don't think I'm going to ask her to be my Valentine this year even though I really would love for her to be my Valentine. It really comes from this anxious pit in my stomach. I constantly feel that after we broke up whenever we hang out or talk I kinda feel like she's just being nice to me. My brain is really conflicted on that. I can't deny that a part of me feels that way and I believe it is the insecurity eating me alive but I'm scared of me being too affectionate or maybe smothering her. Causing her to no longer love me and destroy the relationship we have now. To be truthful I still would love for her to be my Valentine, also Ima get her something regardless because I love that girl ^_^ tee hee. 

alright bye chat!

ps. I got scooted for a fart I think ima say no